Parental Discretion Advised?

It's a Sunday evening, so naturally I can be found on the couch in the living room with Steven attached to me in some way like a really odd set of Siamese twins, catching up on the weekend's DVRed shows, and doing my homework last-minute as expected by the Guinness World Record-holder in Procrastination. (that's me!) That was all after a very fun day at Sea World, catching up on the two new shows that have opened since the last time we were there: Blue Horizons (new dolphin spectacular) and Fusion (waterskiing, dancing, and kite kite??? bonanza).

We finally got caught up on every episode of The 4400. They ran a marathon of every episode ever made over July 4th weekend, and we DVRed it all (at the time it was only the 5 episodes of the first season and the 2 or 3 that had already aired of the second season). In case you haven't been watching, it's this great show on the USA network (who knew there would ever be a good show on USA?) about 4400 people who were abducted over a period of 60 years and returned to the same exact place at the same exact time enhanced with supernatural abilities to ensure the future of the human race. It's all so x-filey, sci-fi, and exciting!

Another classic episode of Family Guy followed that. It's just plain funny. If you don't like Family Guy, stop reading my blog right now. Go away. Buh-bye.

Then we scrolled back in time (gotta love DVR, it makes me feel all futuristic and star-trekky) and watched tonight's episode of The Simpsons. I have been a huge fan of Homer and the clan ever since they were just little skits on that Tracy Ullman show, what was it called? You know, that show, starring Tracy Ullman? Anyway, I guess I missed this episode when it aired in the regular season, but before the theme song, we got a black screen. The black screen is never good news. Especially when it's followed by white writing on the black screen and Somber-Announcer reading aloud for the visually impaired:

This show contains discussion of same-sex marriage.
Parental discretion is advised.

What the fuck? Are you kidding? I was highly upset by this. Now there has to be some sort of warning about the topic of same-sex marriage? Because children might be traumatized by cartoons discussing gays getting married? Fuck off FTC, or whoever it was that decided that a gay cartoon character requires a parental discretion warning. The "white man" came to this land nearly 400 years ago, and the Puritanism hasn't rubbed off yet? I think I need to move to Denmark or The Netherlands or Canada or something. Somewhere where I, as a homosexual man, can watch an episode of The Simpsons without being accosted by a parental discretion advisory. I would totally do it, too, if it wasn't for the fact that it is so inhumanly cold in all those places. Why do all the progressive, forward-thinking nations have to be in the frigid North? It's like they have nothing better to do there than to get educated, I guess. Why can't intelligent, liberal-minded people live in tropical locations? I don't get it. I'm going to found a country on a deserted tropical isle. Who wants to come with?

P.S. - During the aforementioned episode of The Simpsons, Mayor Quimby, in a public service announcement, lets everyone know that Springfield is all about the wealthy gays coming to spend their money...er, get married. Go to www.springfieldisforgayloversofmarriage.com; it's a genuine website that they kept up with some stills from the episode. How neat is that?