Okay.
So last night, David was leafing through some of his old comedic writings and he came across one of his little Eileen and Rhonda skits. After a good laugh, I was reminded of something so utterly hilarious that had actually happened in real life.
Okay. Ready? Okay.
So, this one time, at band camp...
Anybody who knows anything about me knows that me and the kitchen are not friends. I don't ever cook. EVER. It's not that I can't cook, but just that I don't want to, because it is not even remotely fun to me in any way. I have this rule: "If it doesn't fit in the toaster, I don't cook it." Period. No discussions. However, one time I told some coworkers that I would make a cake for an office luncheon back when I was working for the temp agency, because they wanted everyone to actually make something, not buy it at Publix™©®. Cut back to me in the kitchen, with David's handy cookbook on the counter. He has a recipe card for this wonderful dessert called a Wowie Cake. Now, while the Wowie Cake is a scrumtrullescent concoction, it is probably the easiest thing on the face of the planet that one can make "from scratch." I'm talking so easy that if you put the ingredients in a room with nothing else in it but an oven and a retarded infant, the cake would probably still get made.
So, things are going along swimmingly at this point. I'm keeping up with the retarded baby.
Now for the twist:
(Andra in the background running around and screaming, "This is bullshit!!")
I've got the like 6 ingredients laid out in front of me and I begin to read the directions:
Trim fat from pork.
Okay...I'll trim the fat from the...WHAT?? PORK?!?!?
I proceed to freak out.
I'm a vegetarian!
What are they trying to do, poison me?
I scream for David to come help.
"Honey, what's this, what's going on here, what is all this business about pork?"
He looks at me like I've got 8 heads (and not in the good way) and says, "Why are you looking at 'Mom's Pork and Beans' recipe?"
Then I was all, "What? ...oh ...nevermind"
Holy crap if we didn't laugh harder than two people have ever laughed in the history of the world. You probably heard it. Wherever you are. I think I popped a lung.
The recipe card was divided in half. The top half of the card was "Wowie Cake," and the bottom half of the card was "Mom's Pork and Beans." I was so excited about actually cooking something that I hadn't bothered to read the whole card.
So, then I made the cake, it was delicioso, and everyone lived happily ever after.
Moral of the story:
If you want to make a Wowie Cake, let the retarded baby do it. I'm sticking to only cooking things that fit in the toaster. It's a good thing I have Steven and he likes to cook. Otherwise, I'd never eat at home.
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5 comments:
That reminds me of one of my favourite Friends episodes, where Rachel gets the two pages stuck together and ends up making a beef trifle for dessert...yuck!
Very funny!!
Yeah, that was a major LMAO ... !
It was funny enough, but having a "pork fat" reference to disturb the vegetarian just hit the laugh out of the park.
And I've always thought of you as a retarded baby... :)
Blech! I would have freaked too... Even when I ate meat I hated pork and beans.... *barf*gag*
So where is the recipe for the wowie cake... now that I am craving cake... thanks.
If you want to post it, Toddie, go for it - it's not a family secret or anything. I would do it from memory but I always mix up the baking powder, the salt, the vanilla, and the vinegar - some are tsp some are tbl, and I forget which.
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