Priscilla

Which Priscilla drag queen are you?




You're Cynthia!

Take the Which Priscilla Queen of the Desert Drag Queen Are You? Quiz
Also try my other quizzes.

Movie Quiz

158 out of 200...I'm awesome!!! (...or I have no life...)

I defy anyone that I know to do this list and have a higher number than me...I don't think it's possible...I also added 9 must-see films to make it an even 200.

This doesn't even scratch the surface...I could ADD about 500 movies to this list that I've seen, and I physically OWN more than 150 OTHER movies that aren't even on this list...

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"THEY" say that if you've seen over 80 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 191 movies (now there are 200...) on this list. Put your score in header and repost:

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(X)The Mexican
(X) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane
Total: 8 of 10

(X)The Princess Bride
(X)AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(X)Napoleon Dynamite
(X)Labyrinth
(X) Saw
(X) Saw II
(X) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(X) 50 First Dates
Total: 8 of 10

(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
(X) Scary Movie
(X) Scary Movie 2
(X) Scary Movie 3
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total: 8 of 10

(X) Harry Potter
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
(X) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(X) The Village
(X) Lilo & Stitch.
( ) Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch
Total: 8 of 11

(X) WiseGirls
(X) Mean Girls
(X) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
(X) The Grinch
(X) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(X) White Chicks
(X) Butterfly Effect
(X) 13 Going on 30
(X) I, Robot
Total: 10 of 11

(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(X) Universal Soldier
(X) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X) Along Came Polly
(X) Deep Impact
(X) KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
Total: 9 of 11

(X) Ever After: A Cinderella Story
(X) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
(X) Final Destination
(X) Final Destination 2
(X) Final destination 3
(X) Halloween
(X) The Ring
(X) The Ring 2
Total: 9 of 12

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
(X) Ghost Ship
(X) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(X) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Hot Chick
Total: 5 of 10

(X) The Day After Tomorrow
(X) Child's Play
(X) Seed of Chucky
(X) Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
(X) Just Married
(X) Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
(X) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
Total: 9 of 11

( ) Bad Boys 2
(X) Joy Ride
(X) Se7en
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Identity
( ) Lone Star State Of Mind
(X) Bedazzled
(X) Predator I
(X) Predator II
Total: 8 of 10

(X) Independence Day
(X) Cujo
(X) A Bronx Tale
(X) Darkness Falls
(X) Christine
(X) ET
(X) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter
(X) Maid in Manhattan
(X) Frailty
Total: 9 of 10

(X) My Best Friend's Wedding
(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
(X) Event Horizon
(X) Ever After
(X) Forrest Gump
(X) Big Trouble in Little China
Total: 8 of 10

(X) X-Men
(X) X2
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
(X) Sky High
(X) Jeepers Creepers
(X) Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Others
(X) Freaky Friday(original)
(X) Reign of Fire
(X) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) Cruel Intentions 3
Total: 12 of 14

(X) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
(X) Old School
(X) The Notebook
(X) K-Pax
(X) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(X) Walk to Remember
(X) Boogeyman
Total: 9 of 10

( ) Hitch
(X) The Fifth Element
(X) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(X) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(X) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi
(X) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
Total: 8 of 10

(X) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(X) Trainspotting
( ) Blue Velvet
(X) Sound of Music
(X) Parent Trap
(X) Parent Trap Re-make
(X) The Birds
(X) The Terminator
(X) Terminator-2
(X) T-3
Total: 9 of 11

(X) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
(X) Meet Joe Black
(X) Nightmare Before Christmas
(X) The Silence of the Lambs
(X) Sleepy Hollow
(X) I Heart Huckabees
( ) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
(X) People Under the Stairs
Total: 7 of 10

(X) Thirteen
( ) Manic
( ) American History X
(X) Deep Blue Sea
(X) George of the Jungle
( ) Canadian Bacon
(X) Gone with the Wind
( ) How High
(X) The Jacket
( ) My litte pony
Total: 5 of 10

TM's picks:
(X) Girls Just Want To Have Fun
(X) Medusa: Dare To Be Truthful
(X) Teen Witch
(X) Better Off Dead
(X) One Crazy Summer
(X) Showgirls
(X) Glitter
(X) Camp
(X) Soapdish
Total: 9 of 9

Musical Quiz

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:

ARTIST: Mariah Carey

1.) Are you male or female? Loverboy

2.) How would you describe yourself? Anytime You Need a Friend

3.) What do people think of you? I Wish You Knew

4.) How do you feel about yourself? Reflections (Care Enough)

5.) What do you think of your ex? I Am Free

6.) What's your current love situation? The Beautiful Ones

7.) How do people describe you? You're So Cold

8.) What do you want to be? The One

9.) How do you live? Lead The Way

10.) How do you love? My All

11.) Any words of wisdom? Make It Happen

Tracking My Travels

I've always been interested in geography and travel, and I've always been infatuated with other cultures.
I began traveling while still in the womb, as my mother was several months pregnant with me when the parentals took a trip to Niagara Falls.
Some of my earliest memories involve the road trip from Connecticut to Iowa that I took with my family in a big station wagon when I was 3.
Another fond memory from my youth is the National Geographic map of the world that I had hanging on the faux-wood panel wall in my bedroom.
That map lasted for years, and every time I traveled somewhere new, I would color in that place on the map.
The ultimate goal was to have the entire map colored in, because I want to travel everywhere in the world.
Cut to March 2006.
I discovered this wonderful travel website called World66
Now I can post my colored-in maps online so that everyone I know can know where I've been.
It's mostly for me, though, so that I can reminisce about my old map and so that I can track my progress getting the rest of the world colored in.
Starting small, here's where I've been in the US:

I'm only missing 7 states, and hopefully I'll get those tackled soon, or at least before I move out of the country.
Here's where I've been in Canada:

I've only been to 4 of the 13 Provinces, which is a little disappointing considering that I grew up in Connecticut within a reasonable driving distance to New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and Prince Edward Island. I've been hoping for a chance to get up to Newfoundland and Labrador. Who's up for a road trip from Boston this summer? It's only like a 5 hour drive from Boston to New Brunswick, and we can do fun things like: being cold in the summertime and going to Magnet Hill where the laws of physics go wacky and your car magically rolls uphill all by itself! Fun! It's just like Spook Hill in Lake Wales, Florida, only you get to be cold in August!
Here's my map of the world:

This map is pretty sparse, but 8 countries isn't bad. I've been on 4 of the 7 continents, so that's more than half!

Here's My Personality, How 'Bout Yours?

wow...This thing TOTALLY nailed me...hard!

It's crazy...Is that why my bum is sore?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness. Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all. In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted. And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

and a bonus feature:

Mariah Carey Shares Your Taste in Music

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

Which Musician (or Group) Shares Your Taste in Music?

10 Years Quiz

10 YEARS AGO
How old were you?
18
Where did you work?
I was a sophomore at Florida State University, so that ate up most of my time, but I would work an occasional 3rd shift at Krystal or at a convenience store to pick up some extra cash.
Where did you live?
Tallahassee, Florida, in scholarship housing (a 9-bedroom, 5½-bathroom house that I shared with 16 other guys). It was my 2nd of 11 different addresses in 5 years in Tallahassee.
Where did you hang out?
I was in 5 different bands, a fraternity, and I had recently joined the circus; so when I wasn't in some sort of rehearsal, I was at a party or just hanging out with friends somewhere on campus.
Did you wear glasses?
Contacts. I've been wearing contacts since I was 10.
Who was your best friend?
Probably either Cynthia Wyrick or Chris Hairston.
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
I was dating Melinda at the time. -- gay what?
Who was your celebrity crush?
Mariah Carey (just a talent-crush, not a hotness-crush)
Who was your regular-person crush?
I don't have "real" crushes when I'm in a relationship.
How many piercings did you have?
None.
How many tattoos did you have?
None.
What was your favorite band?
Mariah Carey. I don't do "bands," I do "singers."
What was your biggest fear?
That no one would like me.
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?
Never.
Had you gotten drunk or high yet?
Never.

LET'S SEE HOW YOU'RE DOING NOW
How old are you?
Let's see. It's 10 years later, so I guess that makes me 28.
Where do you work?
I feel like I started life all over again. After 2 careers (Legislative Assistant, then Flight Attendant), I'm back in school and I just got a job as a server to supplement my lifestyle until I finish school.
Where do you live?
I live in Orlando, Florida, with David, where I've been for nearly 3 years. This is the longest I've lived in one place since I left home when I was 17.
Where do you hang out?
At home with the kitties and the DVR. I also love going to the movies.
Do you wear glasses?
Still wearing contacts.
Who is your best friend?
I'm not sure that I have a specific best friend, but the small handful of people who know me the best are probably Melinda, Leslie, and David.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife?
I've been with Steven for 2 years next month.
Who is your celebrity crush?
I have talent crushes on a multitude of singers.
Who is your real-life crush?
I still don't have "real" crushes when I'm in a relationship.
How many piercings do you have?
2 (navel and right nostril)
How many tattoos do you have?
3 (lower back, left ankle band, and right arm band -- all my own designs)
What is your favorite band?
Mariah Carey and Anastacia. I still don't do "bands," I do "singers."
What is your biggest fear?
I make it a point not to fear anything.
Have you smoked a cigarette?
Never have, never will.
Have you gotten drunk or high?
Never have, never will.

They Don't Exist in Australia

I don't know who owns this blog:
funny stuff here
but whoever you are, you're a genius and I thank you for sharing my views.
I desperately despise the penny, and so does this person and this is what they had to say:
"Pennies
Are we done with the fucking pennies yet?
Because it is time. The American public hasn’t been using them for about a decade. They have become so worthless, that people give them to each other as a matter of routine. Get your change, pick out the pennies, and leave them there for the next guy. Need a penny or two? Well, there should be a few there for you, because the last guy sure as fuck didn’t want his. That’s the game.
I hate when stores don’t want to play by the game. If a store doesn’t have a little tray, I am immediately annoyed. The hell if I’m fishing another dollar out of my pants because it came to $5.02. When that cash register rings up $5.02 and you look at me, we’re fixing to have a long staredown. I’ll return an item before I break another dollar and let you give me three more of the fucking things in return. And that item probably had a profit margin of at least $.03 to you, so who’s the loser now? Get it? As long as they’re still around, you better play by the game.
When there is no tray, my normal routine has become to fish through my change and immediately pick them out and deposit them into the trash. Not only are they worthless, but they are disgusting, and I’m not carrying them around. Most have been in circulation for 20 years, and as the stepchild of your change purse, they have been given no love. They live in ashtrays, parking lots, and huge jars owned by 72 year old men who remember when they were worth something. Old copper is gross enough to start with. Add to the fact that they are covered in gum and shit and filth, and you need to wash your hands every time one touches you.
Think about this: a stamp costs $0.37. 37 pennies weigh 6 ounces. It takes about two stamps to mail 6 ounces of stuff. Therefore, if I wanted to mail someone 37 cents in pennies, it would cost me 74 cents. By my definition, it’s pretty clear cut. When a monetary unit can’t afford to mail itself, it’s worthless. Don’t get all cocky either, nickels…….you aren’t far behind. (I don’t really know how much 37 pennies weigh, that was just a guess. I have a scale in my office, and would find out, but I can’t. I threw out all my fucking pennies. Just trust me though….I’m right on this general principal. I know by instinct that they can’t mail themselves.)
Vending machines won’t even take them. They hired engineers to assure that any penny which entered the slot would be immediately routed straight to the change opening. Think about the engineering involved. Dimes, which are smaller than pennies, go right into the till, but they had to create some sort of mechanism that would sort out and eliminate any penny that enters the machine, lest they get involved with the REAL money that is in there, and gross it all up.
Have you ever tried to give one to a bum? Seriously. I almost got in a fight in San Francisco over the fact that I gave a bum some pennies. The man had no home, was hungry, cold, and hopeless, yet when I gave him a handful of pennies, he tried to spit on me. Fortunately, his lack of front teeth seriously affected his aiming abilities and I easily dodged the saliva-based projectile, but nonetheless.
Isn’t this enough evidence for Alan Greenspan and the Fed to say enough is enough? I now summarize my case:
1. Pennies are considered worthless, even by homeless people
2. Pennies are disgusting
3. Pennies can’t even mail themselves
4. Americans are actually giving them to strangers, like some nationwide game of hot potato
5. Vending machines are even too smart to take them. Their job is to take money, not pennies.
Case Closed. Please, Federal Reserve, I beg you. End the game.
I’m done with the fucking pennies.
Sully"
Funny and true.
And as my title suggests, they absolutely do NOT exist in Australia.
It's a very simple concept.
It's called rounding.
Every cash register in every store everywhere in the entire giant nation/continent of Australia has a function called rounding.
If you purchase something, and the amount ends in .01 or .02, you round down to zero.
If said purchase ends in .03 or .04, you round up to 5.
And don't even get me started on taxes.
In Australia they have a flat 10% GST (goods and service tax), and 99 times out of 100 the GST is ALREADY INCLUDED IN THE PRICE.
There's none of that business of, "Oh, my purchases add up to $42, plus 6% sales tax, so that REALLY means it's going to cost $44.52, and I have $45 cash, so I think I can afford it."
It's like, if you're not a math-whiz you need to carry a calculator with you just to go shopping.
How difficult is it to just add the damn tax into the damn price your-damn-self and include it on the freakin' price tag?
Bastard stores.

Where To Begin?

So much life has happened in the last few months.
And I still promised myself to finish blogging about the San Francisco trip, which was back in September.
There have been several other trips to write about since then.
Not the least of which, of course, being SYDNEY.
I guess I better get on the ball before I forget what happened.
As if that could happen with the 9 million pictures I take everywhere I go.
The biggest current news is...
drum roll please
Snoop Doggy Dogg FINALLY got a jobby job.
I had a nice 8 month break from working and paying taxes.
To anyone who says, "All you NEED to do is pay taxes and die,"
I say nay-nay!
You don't have to pay taxes, just quit working.
And if you don't shop, you don't pay sales tax.
If you need to shop, say, oh, to survive, or something like that, just move to Oregon or Delaware.
No sales tax.
You can TOTALLY live without paying taxes.
I should have my own infomercial.
Anyway, I will be a server/delivery-guy at this cute and fun new restaurant in Baldwin Park called Fresh Mouth.
This one should be a bit more successful of an operation than my last foray into a startup restaurant, if for no other reason than the fact that I live within walking distance from the restaurant so I don't have to worry about spending too much time and money traveling.

CALLING ALL LOCALS:
Our grand opening is on February 20th, but next Thursday, the 16th, friends and families of employees are welcome to come to a sneak preview. So anyone who wants to come try some great food at a fun, new restaurant, stay tuned and I'll keep you posted on the details next week.

It's Not January

February 9, 2006

As I begin to re-enter blogging mode -- yes, that means I'm actually going to start posting again, for anyone who cares or at least pretends to care -- I noticed that I did not post in the month of January, and I would feel wholly incomplete without a January archive link.

So let's pretend that today is Friday the 13th, January 13, 2006, at 6:66 p.m., or in real time: 7:06 p.m.

oooh...

spooky!

Maybe I Lied...

...about being on hiatus.
Apparently I have more to say after I officially declare taking a break from blogging.
I followed the link on David's blog for xmas-mad-lib-fun here
This is a truly unedited first attempt at a letter to Santa:


Santa Claus
North Pole, Earth


Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at David's Office party. It was Melinda who spiked the punch with too much milk. I can't help it if I drank 18 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Pine Sol.

I thought it was funny when I put Alyson's g-string on my head and danced the Lambada on the bed while singing "All I Want for Xmas is You." I didn't mean to break David's iPod and don't know why David would accuse me of murder.

I don't remember calling Chris's wife a green cow -- even though she looked like one with green eye shadow and blue lipstick!

And when I threw up on Marcie's husband's penis, it was only because I ate too much of that broccoli.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my smart car through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a filthy pig and have me arrested for armed robbery!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all disgusting and pukey. And I'm really not to blame for any of this shitty stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!


Sincerely and gaily yours,

Todd-Michael (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 11 bucks!

I've done a lot of MadLibs in my day, and it's rare for a story to come together like that. Usually you get some funnies, but most of the time you get disjointed nonsensical stuff that just doesn't quite work.
Anyway, that's my holiday cheer!
Happy Ramahanukwanzmastice!

Christmastime for the Jews

I feel the need to come out of hibernation for a brief moment to share what is most certainly the best Xmas song ever written:

On Hiatus

I will blog again.
I'm just taking a break for a little while.
See you then!

When will then be now?

...Soon!

Personality Test

Take this test.

Oh yeah? Quiz This!

Alphabet Quiz Thingy

[A is for age]:
27 (but in 7 days it will be 28!!)
[B is for booze of choice]:
I don't drink alcohol. My booze of choice is milk.
[C is for career]:
Ca-what? I go to ca-school, so I don't feel like ca-working right now.
[D is for your dog's name]:
My last dog was Pepper. I miss my big-fat puppy.
[E is for essential items to bring to a party]:
umm...I don't go to parties. No one invites me unless the party is at my house, in which case it's pretty hard to not get invited.
[F is for favorite song at the moment]:
This is tough to answer for me because I like so many songs for so many different reasons, but I guess right now it's "As Long As You're Mine" from Wicked.
[G is for favorite game]:
Cranium ...whoooooo! Cranium!!! But I also love Scene It, Trivial Pursuit, Scattergories, Balderdash, Taboo, Guesstures, Picture! Picture!, and many, many, many others.
[H is for hometown]:
Vernon, Connecticut
[I is for instruments you play]:
tuba, soprano/alto/tenor/baritone saxophones, trumpet, trombone, euphonium, bamboo flute, tin whistle, ocarina, and I have fairly remedial piano skills.
[J is for jam or jelly you like]:
Fittingly, with my vast food-ignorance, I don't know the difference between jelly and jam. I guess I like any kind of either, but I tend to stick with plain ol' grape.
[K is for kids?]:
best served with jelly...or is it jam? I do not like dumb kids, or ham; I do not like them, Sam I Am.
[L is for last kiss]:
Steven, when I dropped him off at the airport last night.
[M is for mother's job]:
She's like Chandler. She's been at her job for 25 years, but I don't know exactly what she does. She works for an accounting firm. She started there as a "bookkeeper," but I think she is actually called an accountant now even though she never went to college. She does payroll for thousands of people every week, and she does people's taxes too. She is the unofficial world record holder for speed on the 10-key adding machine. I've never seen someone's fingers move so fast.
[N is for name of your crush]:
I don't have a crush, I have a husband.
[O is for overnight hospital stays]:
Not since the "mystery stay" when I was an infant. I was rushed to the hospital with some strange lump in my chest; I was magically cured overnight; and no one knows exactly what happened or what was wrong in the first place. According to mom, this is due to her faith and prayer. According to me, it's because I'm a superhero.
[P is for phobias]:
Dumfukophobia -- The fear of Republicanism.
[Q is for quotes you like]:
I could create an entire blog dedicated to quotes I like. I live my life in movie and television quotes. You never know when I'm speaking original dialogue or just quoting one of my hundreds of favorite movies or shows.
The following are a couple of my own classic, original TM quotes:
"I just want to crawl into your uterus. Doesn't that sound like fun?" (probably best not to ask where that came from or what it means...)
or
"It hurts in the chestal region!"
or
"No, the carpet does not match the drapes. It's hardwood flooring...with a small area rug."
or
"She's like Gage from Pet Sematary, only less throat-bitey."
[R is for relationship that lasted the longest]:
It still stands at just under 4 years with Melinda, but we're hoping that Steven is around longer, 2 years to go to break the record!!!
[S is for songs you like to sing at the holidays]:
Any traditional Xmas song that can be Arethified or PattiLaBellified by making it unusually loud and belty. That makes me happy, like Mariah's version of "O Holy Night." Also, anything secular.
[T is for time you wake up]:
On school days, between 7 and 7:30. Every other day, whenever I want.
[U is for underwear]:
Usually briefs, bikinis, or thongs.
[V is for vegetable you love]:
I don't love any vegetables, I like all of them except for hot and spicy ones, like jalapeños and those evil, goddamned radishes.
[W is for worst habit]:
Ummm...I don't think I have any bad habits. Wait, does making small children cry count?
[X is for x-rays you've had]:
Many, many, many. Mostly from after each car accident, but also when I fell off a cliff and the requisite dental x-rays to ensure proper tooth-healthage.
[Y is for yummy food you make]:
toast
[Z is for zodiac sign]:
Scorpio

69 - Stream of Unconsciousness

This is my 69th post.

It's a magical number.

I eternally hate the Backstreet Boys because they used the word "tragical" in a song.

Guess what, assheads, "tragical" is absolutely not a word!!!

Good times = sitting at Panera with 4 other nerds that I love more'n my luggage and having a conversation about how dumb stupid-idiot Americans are in their completely ignant misuse of the English language.

Then I flang some poo.

Speaking of poo:
Even better times = conversation with same said 4 nerds shifting from grammatical errors to ice cream to coffee ice cream to coffee colonics, finally ending up talking about having a colon-cleansing party for my birthday peppered with talk of sex and no one getting offended.

Speaking of offensive, here's my Amazing Race update for the week of 8.Nov.2005:
I hate the Weavers. They are assholes, not to mention more annoying than wearing a thong with a raging case of hemorrhoids. They are the most ignorant, closed-minded, hypocritical fuckwads to grace my television screen since I accidentally allowed a Special Report by W to air for more than 5 seconds without changing the channel. They claim to be a "good Christian family" who were crying about being "all alone" in the race because none of the other teams like them and everyone is mean to them. They also complained about how awful another team was because they cussed. Meanwhile, they are horrible, racist, prejudiced people who make fun of EVERYONE; they have derogatory nicknames for every other team; they laughed at and made fun of Spanish speaking cab drivers when they were in FUCKING PANAMA!!! because the driver didn't speak English; yet they think they are better than everyone else because they don't cuss. I wish I could meet them so I could walk up to each one of them, say, "Fuck you!" and then summarily kick each one of them in the head.

Now pardon me for a moment while I let my rage simmer down to a rolling boil.

Poetic justice = the Weavers, with their black hearts and their rotten souls, having to repeatedly compete in tasks at racetracks when they recently lost Mr. Weaver in a tragic accident at a racetrack not long before joining the Amazing Race.

And finally, speaking of self-serving:
There are just 8 shopping days left until my birthday!

Tentative birthday plans:
Friday, 18.Nov.2005, dinner at Friendly's on I-Drive near Pointe Orlando.
Friday, 18.Nov.2005, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at the Pointe Orlando IMAX.
Saturday, 19.Nov.2005, brunch at Aunt Catfish's.

Everyone who reads this is welcome -- nay, highly encouraged to join in. Let me know if you'd like to participate, or if there are any conflicts. E-mail to follow.