12 November 2005
11 November 2005
Oh yeah? Quiz This!
Alphabet Quiz Thingy
[A is for age]:
27 (but in 7 days it will be 28!!)
[B is for booze of choice]:
I don't drink alcohol. My booze of choice is milk.
[C is for career]:
Ca-what? I go to ca-school, so I don't feel like ca-working right now.
[D is for your dog's name]:
My last dog was Pepper. I miss my big-fat puppy.
[E is for essential items to bring to a party]:
umm...I don't go to parties. No one invites me unless the party is at my house, in which case it's pretty hard to not get invited.
[F is for favorite song at the moment]:
This is tough to answer for me because I like so many songs for so many different reasons, but I guess right now it's "As Long As You're Mine" from Wicked.
[G is for favorite game]:
Cranium ...whoooooo! Cranium!!! But I also love Scene It, Trivial Pursuit, Scattergories, Balderdash, Taboo, Guesstures, Picture! Picture!, and many, many, many others.
[H is for hometown]:
Vernon, Connecticut
[I is for instruments you play]:
tuba, soprano/alto/tenor/baritone saxophones, trumpet, trombone, euphonium, bamboo flute, tin whistle, ocarina, and I have fairly remedial piano skills.
[J is for jam or jelly you like]:
Fittingly, with my vast food-ignorance, I don't know the difference between jelly and jam. I guess I like any kind of either, but I tend to stick with plain ol' grape.
[K is for kids?]:
best served with jelly...or is it jam? I do not like dumb kids, or ham; I do not like them, Sam I Am.
[L is for last kiss]:
Steven, when I dropped him off at the airport last night.
[M is for mother's job]:
She's like Chandler. She's been at her job for 25 years, but I don't know exactly what she does. She works for an accounting firm. She started there as a "bookkeeper," but I think she is actually called an accountant now even though she never went to college. She does payroll for thousands of people every week, and she does people's taxes too. She is the unofficial world record holder for speed on the 10-key adding machine. I've never seen someone's fingers move so fast.
[N is for name of your crush]:
I don't have a crush, I have a husband.
[O is for overnight hospital stays]:
Not since the "mystery stay" when I was an infant. I was rushed to the hospital with some strange lump in my chest; I was magically cured overnight; and no one knows exactly what happened or what was wrong in the first place. According to mom, this is due to her faith and prayer. According to me, it's because I'm a superhero.
[P is for phobias]:
Dumfukophobia -- The fear of Republicanism.
[Q is for quotes you like]:
I could create an entire blog dedicated to quotes I like. I live my life in movie and television quotes. You never know when I'm speaking original dialogue or just quoting one of my hundreds of favorite movies or shows.
The following are a couple of my own classic, original TM quotes:
"I just want to crawl into your uterus. Doesn't that sound like fun?" (probably best not to ask where that came from or what it means...)
or
"It hurts in the chestal region!"
or
"No, the carpet does not match the drapes. It's hardwood flooring...with a small area rug."
or
"She's like Gage from Pet Sematary, only less throat-bitey."
[R is for relationship that lasted the longest]:
It still stands at just under 4 years with Melinda, but we're hoping that Steven is around longer, 2 years to go to break the record!!!
[S is for songs you like to sing at the holidays]:
Any traditional Xmas song that can be Arethified or PattiLaBellified by making it unusually loud and belty. That makes me happy, like Mariah's version of "O Holy Night." Also, anything secular.
[T is for time you wake up]:
On school days, between 7 and 7:30. Every other day, whenever I want.
[U is for underwear]:
Usually briefs, bikinis, or thongs.
[V is for vegetable you love]:
I don't love any vegetables, I like all of them except for hot and spicy ones, like jalapeños and those evil, goddamned radishes.
[W is for worst habit]:
Ummm...I don't think I have any bad habits. Wait, does making small children cry count?
[X is for x-rays you've had]:
Many, many, many. Mostly from after each car accident, but also when I fell off a cliff and the requisite dental x-rays to ensure proper tooth-healthage.
[Y is for yummy food you make]:
toast
[Z is for zodiac sign]:
Scorpio
[A is for age]:
27 (but in 7 days it will be 28!!)
[B is for booze of choice]:
I don't drink alcohol. My booze of choice is milk.
[C is for career]:
Ca-what? I go to ca-school, so I don't feel like ca-working right now.
[D is for your dog's name]:
My last dog was Pepper. I miss my big-fat puppy.
[E is for essential items to bring to a party]:
umm...I don't go to parties. No one invites me unless the party is at my house, in which case it's pretty hard to not get invited.
[F is for favorite song at the moment]:
This is tough to answer for me because I like so many songs for so many different reasons, but I guess right now it's "As Long As You're Mine" from Wicked.
[G is for favorite game]:
Cranium ...whoooooo! Cranium!!! But I also love Scene It, Trivial Pursuit, Scattergories, Balderdash, Taboo, Guesstures, Picture! Picture!, and many, many, many others.
[H is for hometown]:
Vernon, Connecticut
[I is for instruments you play]:
tuba, soprano/alto/tenor/baritone saxophones, trumpet, trombone, euphonium, bamboo flute, tin whistle, ocarina, and I have fairly remedial piano skills.
[J is for jam or jelly you like]:
Fittingly, with my vast food-ignorance, I don't know the difference between jelly and jam. I guess I like any kind of either, but I tend to stick with plain ol' grape.
[K is for kids?]:
best served with jelly...or is it jam? I do not like dumb kids, or ham; I do not like them, Sam I Am.
[L is for last kiss]:
Steven, when I dropped him off at the airport last night.
[M is for mother's job]:
She's like Chandler. She's been at her job for 25 years, but I don't know exactly what she does. She works for an accounting firm. She started there as a "bookkeeper," but I think she is actually called an accountant now even though she never went to college. She does payroll for thousands of people every week, and she does people's taxes too. She is the unofficial world record holder for speed on the 10-key adding machine. I've never seen someone's fingers move so fast.
[N is for name of your crush]:
I don't have a crush, I have a husband.
[O is for overnight hospital stays]:
Not since the "mystery stay" when I was an infant. I was rushed to the hospital with some strange lump in my chest; I was magically cured overnight; and no one knows exactly what happened or what was wrong in the first place. According to mom, this is due to her faith and prayer. According to me, it's because I'm a superhero.
[P is for phobias]:
Dumfukophobia -- The fear of Republicanism.
[Q is for quotes you like]:
I could create an entire blog dedicated to quotes I like. I live my life in movie and television quotes. You never know when I'm speaking original dialogue or just quoting one of my hundreds of favorite movies or shows.
The following are a couple of my own classic, original TM quotes:
"I just want to crawl into your uterus. Doesn't that sound like fun?" (probably best not to ask where that came from or what it means...)
or
"It hurts in the chestal region!"
or
"No, the carpet does not match the drapes. It's hardwood flooring...with a small area rug."
or
"She's like Gage from Pet Sematary, only less throat-bitey."
[R is for relationship that lasted the longest]:
It still stands at just under 4 years with Melinda, but we're hoping that Steven is around longer, 2 years to go to break the record!!!
[S is for songs you like to sing at the holidays]:
Any traditional Xmas song that can be Arethified or PattiLaBellified by making it unusually loud and belty. That makes me happy, like Mariah's version of "O Holy Night." Also, anything secular.
[T is for time you wake up]:
On school days, between 7 and 7:30. Every other day, whenever I want.
[U is for underwear]:
Usually briefs, bikinis, or thongs.
[V is for vegetable you love]:
I don't love any vegetables, I like all of them except for hot and spicy ones, like jalapeños and those evil, goddamned radishes.
[W is for worst habit]:
Ummm...I don't think I have any bad habits. Wait, does making small children cry count?
[X is for x-rays you've had]:
Many, many, many. Mostly from after each car accident, but also when I fell off a cliff and the requisite dental x-rays to ensure proper tooth-healthage.
[Y is for yummy food you make]:
toast
[Z is for zodiac sign]:
Scorpio
10 November 2005
69 - Stream of Unconsciousness
This is my 69th post.
It's a magical number.
I eternally hate the Backstreet Boys because they used the word "tragical" in a song.
Guess what, assheads, "tragical" is absolutely not a word!!!
Good times = sitting at Panera with 4 other nerds that I love more'n my luggage and having a conversation about how dumb stupid-idiot Americans are in their completely ignant misuse of the English language.
Then I flang some poo.
Speaking of poo:
Even better times = conversation with same said 4 nerds shifting from grammatical errors to ice cream to coffee ice cream to coffee colonics, finally ending up talking about having a colon-cleansing party for my birthday peppered with talk of sex and no one getting offended.
Speaking of offensive, here's my Amazing Race update for the week of 8.Nov.2005:
I hate the Weavers. They are assholes, not to mention more annoying than wearing a thong with a raging case of hemorrhoids. They are the most ignorant, closed-minded, hypocritical fuckwads to grace my television screen since I accidentally allowed a Special Report by W to air for more than 5 seconds without changing the channel. They claim to be a "good Christian family" who were crying about being "all alone" in the race because none of the other teams like them and everyone is mean to them. They also complained about how awful another team was because they cussed. Meanwhile, they are horrible, racist, prejudiced people who make fun of EVERYONE; they have derogatory nicknames for every other team; they laughed at and made fun of Spanish speaking cab drivers when they were in FUCKING PANAMA!!! because the driver didn't speak English; yet they think they are better than everyone else because they don't cuss. I wish I could meet them so I could walk up to each one of them, say, "Fuck you!" and then summarily kick each one of them in the head.
Now pardon me for a moment while I let my rage simmer down to a rolling boil.
Poetic justice = the Weavers, with their black hearts and their rotten souls, having to repeatedly compete in tasks at racetracks when they recently lost Mr. Weaver in a tragic accident at a racetrack not long before joining the Amazing Race.
And finally, speaking of self-serving:
There are just 8 shopping days left until my birthday!
Tentative birthday plans:
Friday, 18.Nov.2005, dinner at Friendly's on I-Drive near Pointe Orlando.
Friday, 18.Nov.2005, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at the Pointe Orlando IMAX.
Saturday, 19.Nov.2005, brunch at Aunt Catfish's.
Everyone who reads this is welcome -- nay, highly encouraged to join in. Let me know if you'd like to participate, or if there are any conflicts. E-mail to follow.
It's a magical number.
I eternally hate the Backstreet Boys because they used the word "tragical" in a song.
Guess what, assheads, "tragical" is absolutely not a word!!!
Good times = sitting at Panera with 4 other nerds that I love more'n my luggage and having a conversation about how dumb stupid-idiot Americans are in their completely ignant misuse of the English language.
Then I flang some poo.
Speaking of poo:
Even better times = conversation with same said 4 nerds shifting from grammatical errors to ice cream to coffee ice cream to coffee colonics, finally ending up talking about having a colon-cleansing party for my birthday peppered with talk of sex and no one getting offended.
Speaking of offensive, here's my Amazing Race update for the week of 8.Nov.2005:
I hate the Weavers. They are assholes, not to mention more annoying than wearing a thong with a raging case of hemorrhoids. They are the most ignorant, closed-minded, hypocritical fuckwads to grace my television screen since I accidentally allowed a Special Report by W to air for more than 5 seconds without changing the channel. They claim to be a "good Christian family" who were crying about being "all alone" in the race because none of the other teams like them and everyone is mean to them. They also complained about how awful another team was because they cussed. Meanwhile, they are horrible, racist, prejudiced people who make fun of EVERYONE; they have derogatory nicknames for every other team; they laughed at and made fun of Spanish speaking cab drivers when they were in FUCKING PANAMA!!! because the driver didn't speak English; yet they think they are better than everyone else because they don't cuss. I wish I could meet them so I could walk up to each one of them, say, "Fuck you!" and then summarily kick each one of them in the head.
Now pardon me for a moment while I let my rage simmer down to a rolling boil.
Poetic justice = the Weavers, with their black hearts and their rotten souls, having to repeatedly compete in tasks at racetracks when they recently lost Mr. Weaver in a tragic accident at a racetrack not long before joining the Amazing Race.
And finally, speaking of self-serving:
There are just 8 shopping days left until my birthday!
Tentative birthday plans:
Friday, 18.Nov.2005, dinner at Friendly's on I-Drive near Pointe Orlando.
Friday, 18.Nov.2005, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at the Pointe Orlando IMAX.
Saturday, 19.Nov.2005, brunch at Aunt Catfish's.
Everyone who reads this is welcome -- nay, highly encouraged to join in. Let me know if you'd like to participate, or if there are any conflicts. E-mail to follow.
01 November 2005
And Now For Something Entirely Different
That's it.
Just one completely random picture from Halloween.
Me and Steven as Anna Nicole Smith before and after TrimSpa and Jeffrey Lurie as Edna from The Incredibles. He made that head all by himself, isn't that awesome?
Of course, anyone who reads this knows that already, but maybe this will satisfy Mattress until I am able to post something more substantial.
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