Way back in July 2005, I posted the famous "trim fat from pork" story.
For a refresher, look here:
trim fat from pork
Well, it appears that my comedic food-ignorance has struck again.
David has had a recipe for Taco Salad hanging on the side of the refrigerator for months.
Because this recipe calls for meat, I generally have no interest in it, and never really paid any attention to it.
Tonight, however, as I was standing in the kitchen drinking my cranberry juice, I decided to read it.
So, I'm reading the list of ingredients:
1 lb. hamburger meat, brown meat, and drain oil.
Wait, what? drain-oil? What the hell is drain-oil?
That sounds disgusting!!!
I've never heard of drain-oil.
There's vegetable oil, olive oil, motor oil...
What's DRAIN OIL?
Oh, wait...those are VERBS!!!
BROWN the meat and DRAIN the oil!
I get it now!
I guess most people could figure out what to do with just sentence fragments, but I need articles in my instructions.
I need complete sentences because I am recipe-retarded.
I thought "brown" and "drain" were adjectives, not verbs.
Whatever! It was funny.
I figured it out.
It just took me a minute.
It's a shame that Steven is flying and David was already in bed because that would have been a funny moment to share live.
Anyway, that's why I don't cook.
And you don't want me to.
26 February 2007
Quotes of the Day
Last Thursday's Quote:
"...you can't just 'go to town'!"
a bit TMI here, but this was spoken by me during an intimate moment expressing the need for foreplay at the beginning of "relations"
Sunday Night's Game-Night Quotes:
"That prostitute's vagina is all 'labidy'."
"When I wake up in the morning, my hair is always all 'bokimp'."
"I'm gonna 'bort' you in HALF!"
The first two were fun with made up words. Before we started actually playing Cranium Pop5; we took the 6 dice from the game, rolled them, and had to make up a word with the available letters and use that word in a sentence. Why, you might ask? Well, for me it's because I'm a nerd, but everyone else was a little bit drunk.
For the last one, 'bort' is a real word (actual definition: diamond dust) that came up during a spirited game of Balderdash where some of our definitions had to do with vomit and sexual euphemisms.
"...you can't just 'go to town'!"
a bit TMI here, but this was spoken by me during an intimate moment expressing the need for foreplay at the beginning of "relations"
Sunday Night's Game-Night Quotes:
"That prostitute's vagina is all 'labidy'."
"When I wake up in the morning, my hair is always all 'bokimp'."
"I'm gonna 'bort' you in HALF!"
The first two were fun with made up words. Before we started actually playing Cranium Pop5; we took the 6 dice from the game, rolled them, and had to make up a word with the available letters and use that word in a sentence. Why, you might ask? Well, for me it's because I'm a nerd, but everyone else was a little bit drunk.
For the last one, 'bort' is a real word (actual definition: diamond dust) that came up during a spirited game of Balderdash where some of our definitions had to do with vomit and sexual euphemisms.
06 February 2007
M-ə's Sicky-Time Quiz
1. Hi, my name is...What? My name is...Who? My name is... *chick-a chick-a* Todd-Michael.
2. Never in my life will I eat...meat, or spicy food, or diet food.
3. The one person who can drive me nuts is...oh, would that there were only one person...
4. High school...blew.
5. When I'm nervous...I talk faster and get a little shaky, but that rarely happens.
6. The last time I cried was...*crickets* I really have no idea, but probably 15 years ago.
7. If I were to get married right now my wedding party would be...speaking Dutch or saying, "eh?" a lot.
8. My hair is...awesome. And currently its natural color.
9. When I was 5...I was probably 10-times smarter than I am now.
10. Last Christmas...was low-key and sadly family-free, but I still had a blast.
11. I should be...doing anything else right now.
12. When I look down I see...fat.
13. The craziest recent event was...tornadoes in Florida in February? What's that about?
14. If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be...Phoebe! I love Phoebe.
15. By this time next year...who knows? But I'd like to be finally finishing school.
16. My current gripe is...Puritanical society. Ignorance. General stupidity.
17. I have a hard time understanding...Republicanism and/or religious fanaticism.
18. There's this girl I know who...is getting ready to rock out her first bellydance solo.
19. You know I like you when...I can maintain direct eye-contact with you in a conversation.
20. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be...my mom, or Steven.
21. Take my advice...pack lightly and never check luggage.
22. My most wanted item is...a smartcar.
23. If you visited the place I was born...Vernon, CT? *zzz* The specific "place" is actually neat, though: a 19th Century mansion, converted into a hospital, that was once part of the Underground Railroad.
24. I plan to visit someone...somewhere, soon. No, hopefully I'll be visiting my brother in Virginia, and I'd like to visit my friend Leandro in Michigan.
25. If you spend the night at my house...you'd be sleeping with David, because that's the only place where there's any room at the moment.
26. I'd stop my wedding if...someone drove a motorcycle through the stained-glass window of the Salem Church.
27. The world could do without...war.
28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than...hear someone fart.
29. Most recent thing I've bought myself...various and sundry DVDs and CDs.
30. Most recent thing someone else bought me..."Weird New England" by Joseph A. Citro
31. My middle name is...nonexistent.
32. This morning I...slept in all the way til 8:30. When did I become an old lady?
33. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are...people.
34. Once, at a bar...I was paid to dance in a state of semi-undress. And it was more than once.
35. Last night I was...catching up on my DVR'd shows.
36. There's this guy I know who...knows this other guy who knows Kevin Bacon. 3 degrees.
37. I don't know...enough.
38. A better name for me would be...Loudly Beltington.
39. Tomorrow I am...relaxing and enjoying my day off.
40. My birthday is...18 November.
41. What I really want for Valentine's Day is...chocolate, duh!
2. Never in my life will I eat...meat, or spicy food, or diet food.
3. The one person who can drive me nuts is...oh, would that there were only one person...
4. High school...blew.
5. When I'm nervous...I talk faster and get a little shaky, but that rarely happens.
6. The last time I cried was...*crickets* I really have no idea, but probably 15 years ago.
7. If I were to get married right now my wedding party would be...speaking Dutch or saying, "eh?" a lot.
8. My hair is...awesome. And currently its natural color.
9. When I was 5...I was probably 10-times smarter than I am now.
10. Last Christmas...was low-key and sadly family-free, but I still had a blast.
11. I should be...doing anything else right now.
12. When I look down I see...fat.
13. The craziest recent event was...tornadoes in Florida in February? What's that about?
14. If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be...Phoebe! I love Phoebe.
15. By this time next year...who knows? But I'd like to be finally finishing school.
16. My current gripe is...Puritanical society. Ignorance. General stupidity.
17. I have a hard time understanding...Republicanism and/or religious fanaticism.
18. There's this girl I know who...is getting ready to rock out her first bellydance solo.
19. You know I like you when...I can maintain direct eye-contact with you in a conversation.
20. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be...my mom, or Steven.
21. Take my advice...pack lightly and never check luggage.
22. My most wanted item is...a smartcar.
23. If you visited the place I was born...Vernon, CT? *zzz* The specific "place" is actually neat, though: a 19th Century mansion, converted into a hospital, that was once part of the Underground Railroad.
24. I plan to visit someone...somewhere, soon. No, hopefully I'll be visiting my brother in Virginia, and I'd like to visit my friend Leandro in Michigan.
25. If you spend the night at my house...you'd be sleeping with David, because that's the only place where there's any room at the moment.
26. I'd stop my wedding if...someone drove a motorcycle through the stained-glass window of the Salem Church.
27. The world could do without...war.
28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than...hear someone fart.
29. Most recent thing I've bought myself...various and sundry DVDs and CDs.
30. Most recent thing someone else bought me..."Weird New England" by Joseph A. Citro
31. My middle name is...nonexistent.
32. This morning I...slept in all the way til 8:30. When did I become an old lady?
33. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are...people.
34. Once, at a bar...I was paid to dance in a state of semi-undress. And it was more than once.
35. Last night I was...catching up on my DVR'd shows.
36. There's this guy I know who...knows this other guy who knows Kevin Bacon. 3 degrees.
37. I don't know...enough.
38. A better name for me would be...Loudly Beltington.
39. Tomorrow I am...relaxing and enjoying my day off.
40. My birthday is...18 November.
41. What I really want for Valentine's Day is...chocolate, duh!
Ven Aquí
Shuffle Quiz
I saw this quiz on Joshie's blog, and I thought it was fun, so here's the TM edition:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
What does this year have in store for me?
"Hero" by Darren Hayes
What does your love life look like?
"Ti Amerò" by Il Divo
What do you say when life gets hard?
"The Intermission" Monty Python's Spamalot
What do I think of when I get up in the morning?
"Javert's Arrival" Les Miserables
What song will I dance to at my wedding?
"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield
What do you want as a career?
"Take My Breath Away" by Jessica Simpson
Your favourite saying?
"Everytime I Look At You" by Il Divo
Favourite place?
"Thank God I Found You" by Mariah Carey
What do you think of your parents?
"Good Enough" by Darren Hayes
Where would you go on a first date?
"Takin' The Long Way Home" Dreamgirls
Describe yourself?
"Estoy Aquí" by Adam Lopez
What is the thing I like doing most?
"Jailhouse Rock" Smokey Joe's Cafe
The song that best describes the president?
"More" by LaToya London (umm...no thanks!)
What is my state of mind like at the moment?
"Anytime You Need a Friend" by Mariah Carey
How will I die?
"Cadillac Car" Dreamgirls (wow...if that's not a portentous omen then I don't know what is...)
The song that will be played at your funeral?
"Look Down" Les Miserables
The song you'll put as the subject?
"Ven Aquí" by Los Bunkers
I find it odd how 90% of the songs are not only legitimate answers to the questions, but most of them are accurate as well. It's crazy! Who needs a Magic 8-Ball? All you have to do is put your iPod on "Shuffle" and ask it questions!
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