Apparently Alyson is becoming quite the little quiz-mistress, look out Joshie!
In the essence of saving time, I'm going to do the short one first:
Anyway, it's time for another quiz. I believe this one originated with Alyson. And just as she did, I'm going to substitute the word "person" in any question that originally would've had the phrase "bf/gf" in it.
1.) How/where did your last Person say "I love you"?
While cuddling on the couch in front of the television this afternoon.
2.) What do you hear right now?
Light background jazz music on brighthouse's Jazz Music Choice Station and 3 computers humming in the office.
3.) If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
Milk
4.) Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My neck. My back. My neck and my back. (thanks Chris Tucker)
5.) What's your job position called?
Unemployed-Student-Housewife
6.) What size ring do you wear?
Well I, like most human beings, have fingers of varying sizes. I currently wear a 6 1/2 on my pinky, a 9 on my ring finger and I believe a 10 on my thumb. I gots me some skinny fingers.
7.) Do you own a picture phone?
Yes. I'm all trendy like that.
8.) What's your Person's birthday?
17.Jan.74
9.) What's your Mom's favorite band/musician?
Mom loves all things adult contemporary. Her favorites are Celine Dion and *cringe* Barbra *shudder*.
10.) What's your Dad's favorite band/musician?
Dad doesn't have a favorite. He definitely enjoys the adult contemporary like Mommala, but he also has an affinity for old school doo wop music and pop from the 50s and early 60s.
11.) What was your elementary school's mascot?
The Skinner Road School Unicorns!!! Our colors were pink and black. Could there seriously be anything gayer in the entire world? I think not.
12.) What's your favorite bottled water?
Most bottled waters are cool with me. I like Zephyrhills, Dannon Spring Water, Evian, Fiji, etc., but I absolutely DETEST Dasani and Aquafina. They are yucktastic.
13.) What's the next concert/show you're going to and when?
Hmmm...probably Wicked on Broadway some time in July, otherwise it will be going to see Sarah in Our Town.
14.) What were you doing at 9 pm last night?
Laying on the couch with Steven catching up on DVRed shows.
15.) What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
I'm a big fan of all the iced drinks, but especially an iced mochaccino.
16.) Do you exercise as much as you should?
Not at the moment, my chiropractor won't let me. Apparently I got a little bit more messed up in my car accident than I thought I did.
17.) Did you attend your High School prom?
No. I was EXTREMELY unpopular in high school. It was pretty drastic. If I had gone to my prom, I probably would have had a bucket of pig's blood dumped on me, and unfortunately I don't have the luxury of telekinetic powers to get my revenge on everyone.
18.) Would you give your Person a second chance if they cheated on you?
Absolutely NOT. I've been cheated on before, too many times. If someone does it once, they will do it again, they can no longer be trusted, and I don't need to wake up one morning with chlamydia or something worse. I'd rather be alone than with a cheater.
I always take these quizzes so seriously. One of these days I'm going to answer them a la Miller and just say funny things...but not today.
29 June 2005
28 June 2005
That Which Is Not Your Fault Actually Is
Here's a little story about a girl named Irina.
Irina is 34 years old and is the principal English teacher at my school, the Stenotype Institute. What's interesting about her is that in her early thirties she already has about 18 degrees (only a slight exaggeration), but more importantly, she knows more about the English language than anyone else I know and has only been in this country for 9 years. Irina is from deep in the heart of Russia, and even with her thick Russian accent can blow me or any other of my fellow Grammar Police out of the water with her vast knowledge. She's also a lot of fun to talk to because she's very spiritual-metaphysical-you-can-solve-all-the-world's-problems-with-love-here's-a-smile-and-a-hug-now-let's-hold-hands-and-sing-Kumbaya, but at the same time is very straight-forward and strict in her teaching style and is not afraid to tell it like it is. She also doesn't allow people to make excuses for anything, which I love because like the old saying goes, excuses are like assholes: Everyone's got one, they all stink, and they're great for sex what?
Anyway, I was telling Irina about finally getting my truck back (yay! I finally got my truck back! woo hoo!), and I guess she hadn't heard that I had had yet another accident. As I went on to tell her that this was now the 4th vehicle in a row that I have purchased that was wrecked within 4 months of purchase, she proceeded to tell me that it was my fault. Then I was like, "No way! I have never been at-fault in any accident that I have been involved in!"
Then she was all, "We create our own reality, so whether the accident was your fault or not, it IS your fault because you are attracting these things to you."
So I was all, "Well, I don't want these things to happen to me, so how do I stop it?"
And she was like, "Here. Get this book that I'm reading. It has all the answers you are looking for."
Now, in the style of Steve Miller, I'm going to leave you hanging, because I can't remember the name of the book, or even the author.
I'm telling you, 5 years of being a flight attendant has blown my memory to shreds...they say that all that traveling back and forth over multiple time zones completely eradicates your short-term cheese grater.
So, then we decided to look for funeral plots we really loved, instead of eating tofu. I like peanut butter, can you swim? It's so sad that those teenagers keep getting eaten by sharks, but hey sharks have to eat too, so why not teenagers? They probably deserved it anyway, all smug and forlorn. Doesn't everyone know that sharks are attracted to teen angst?
Love, Dory
Irina is 34 years old and is the principal English teacher at my school, the Stenotype Institute. What's interesting about her is that in her early thirties she already has about 18 degrees (only a slight exaggeration), but more importantly, she knows more about the English language than anyone else I know and has only been in this country for 9 years. Irina is from deep in the heart of Russia, and even with her thick Russian accent can blow me or any other of my fellow Grammar Police out of the water with her vast knowledge. She's also a lot of fun to talk to because she's very spiritual-metaphysical-you-can-solve-all-the-world's-problems-with-love-here's-a-smile-and-a-hug-now-let's-hold-hands-and-sing-Kumbaya, but at the same time is very straight-forward and strict in her teaching style and is not afraid to tell it like it is. She also doesn't allow people to make excuses for anything, which I love because like the old saying goes, excuses are like assholes: Everyone's got one, they all stink, and they're great for sex what?
Anyway, I was telling Irina about finally getting my truck back (yay! I finally got my truck back! woo hoo!), and I guess she hadn't heard that I had had yet another accident. As I went on to tell her that this was now the 4th vehicle in a row that I have purchased that was wrecked within 4 months of purchase, she proceeded to tell me that it was my fault. Then I was like, "No way! I have never been at-fault in any accident that I have been involved in!"
Then she was all, "We create our own reality, so whether the accident was your fault or not, it IS your fault because you are attracting these things to you."
So I was all, "Well, I don't want these things to happen to me, so how do I stop it?"
And she was like, "Here. Get this book that I'm reading. It has all the answers you are looking for."
Now, in the style of Steve Miller, I'm going to leave you hanging, because I can't remember the name of the book, or even the author.
I'm telling you, 5 years of being a flight attendant has blown my memory to shreds...they say that all that traveling back and forth over multiple time zones completely eradicates your short-term cheese grater.
So, then we decided to look for funeral plots we really loved, instead of eating tofu. I like peanut butter, can you swim? It's so sad that those teenagers keep getting eaten by sharks, but hey sharks have to eat too, so why not teenagers? They probably deserved it anyway, all smug and forlorn. Doesn't everyone know that sharks are attracted to teen angst?
Love, Dory
23 June 2005
I'm a Slut and Two Twits, Who Are You?
I love trivia/tests/quizzes in all forms if they are used for the purposes of entertainment.
I'm especially fond of the Which [insert character from favorite tv show] Are You? tests. I'm an Edie Britt, a Rose Nylund and:
you're phoebe...completely off the wall and scatter
brained, but your friends know you'll always be
faithful to them, no matter what.
which Friends character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
If only there was a Which "Facts of Life" Girl Are You? test. I would TOTALLY be Tootie!
On a completely unrelated note...I am cursed! Since I have told this story several times to most of the people who read my blog, I will recount the short version. Let me say first, that I have NEVER been at-fault in an accident. With that said, every time I buy a new vehicle, it gets wrecked. 4 times in a row, I have purchased a vehicle and it has been wrecked within 4 months of purchase. This time, my fabulous new pickup truck was wrecked 6 weeks after purchase. That was 5 1/2 weeks ago. I'm not sure why they didn't just total it out, but they keep telling me that I will get it back. I was supposed to get it back last week. Then I was supposed to get it back today. I'm still truckless. They said I'll get it back tomorrow. I won't hold my breath. It's frustrating. I've been driving a Chevy Malibu for the last month, and I'm over it. If I wanted an old-lady car, I would buy a Buick LeSabre...or ride around with David. I want my big butch truck back so I can waste money I don't have on gas! Give it back, damn it!
I really wish I knew how to put audio on here so that I could share my joy with others. Let me just encourage everyone to watch The Simpsons, Family Guy, and American Dad. I was watching my DVRed episodes tonight and my cheeks still hurt from laughing so hard, but then again I'm easily amused.
I'm especially fond of the Which [insert character from favorite tv show] Are You? tests. I'm an Edie Britt, a Rose Nylund and:
you're phoebe...completely off the wall and scatter
brained, but your friends know you'll always be
faithful to them, no matter what.
which Friends character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
If only there was a Which "Facts of Life" Girl Are You? test. I would TOTALLY be Tootie!
On a completely unrelated note...I am cursed! Since I have told this story several times to most of the people who read my blog, I will recount the short version. Let me say first, that I have NEVER been at-fault in an accident. With that said, every time I buy a new vehicle, it gets wrecked. 4 times in a row, I have purchased a vehicle and it has been wrecked within 4 months of purchase. This time, my fabulous new pickup truck was wrecked 6 weeks after purchase. That was 5 1/2 weeks ago. I'm not sure why they didn't just total it out, but they keep telling me that I will get it back. I was supposed to get it back last week. Then I was supposed to get it back today. I'm still truckless. They said I'll get it back tomorrow. I won't hold my breath. It's frustrating. I've been driving a Chevy Malibu for the last month, and I'm over it. If I wanted an old-lady car, I would buy a Buick LeSabre...or ride around with David. I want my big butch truck back so I can waste money I don't have on gas! Give it back, damn it!
I really wish I knew how to put audio on here so that I could share my joy with others. Let me just encourage everyone to watch The Simpsons, Family Guy, and American Dad. I was watching my DVRed episodes tonight and my cheeks still hurt from laughing so hard, but then again I'm easily amused.
22 June 2005
13 Years Later...
As I sit here in the office, watching MTVs season premiere of the Real World: Austin, I realize I am getting old. Some of you may be like, "Shut the fuck up, you're still in your 20s!" But you're not watching the Real World. I grew up with this show, from the time where I was YEARS too young to be on the show when it premiered in New York, through the years when it was no longer cool to watch it. Now I am approaching being 4 years too old to be on the show, and I understand why. I sit there staring at the screen, slack-jawed, saying to myself, "These people are freakin' IDIOTS!!!" It's insane. I'm sure part of the problem is that the show has skewed far from its original premise of bringing 7 strangers (of a wide variety of backgrounds) together to live and work in one place for a specified time, to see what might happen. Now the show is more like, "Let's put 7 alcoholic hard-bodies under one roof and see how long it takes for them to have sex and/or fight with each other." Oh, look, roommates making out AND a big fight, and we're only 20 minutes in to the season premiere! Big surprise! Pardon me while I change the station now...
21 June 2005
"Ugly" Is a Behavioral Trait
KP-PB/STEPB/OE/P-P/TAOEUP/KP-PB/STPHAOUT
If you can read that title, you are either a stenographer or a bigger nerd than me. (It says Stenotype Institute.) Anyway, this is what I am going to school for. I have had to alter my life-plan several times over the last few years. More about that later.
I feel the need to comment on other students at my school. As it says above (and to the right), my life is like a Seinfeld episode, and that is true in more ways than one, including how my friends and I make up nicknames for just about anyone and everyone. That being said, there is this chick at my school that has a couple of choice nicknames. We refer to her as either "Shorts" or "Ba-donk-a-donk." Now, Shorts is a girl who probably weighs close to 400 pounds. She's either really comfortable with the way she looks, or no one has ever told her that she shouldn't wear micro-mini jean shorts (hence the name). My vote is the latter. She is so disgusting and repulsive, and the part that makes it unbearable is that she has a personality to match. Now, I am not prejudiced, or fat-ist as it were. One of the teachers at the school is also a very large woman, but she always dresses in a manner that is very flattering, conservative, and professional. You can tell she takes the time to make sure that she is presentable, and she is actually quite pretty. On the other hand, Shorts comes to school wearing these jean shorts with about a 1/2" inseam, that proceed to crawl upward throughout the day, creating the largest camel-toe in existence. When she stands up, her legs look like 5-gallon tubs of cottage cheese, and there are usually these big, red pressure blotches on the backs of her legs where they were mashed into the seat. It's one of those things where you can't help but to stare, while at the same time suppressing the urge to void your lunch all over your loafers. As if that wasn't enough, she is also probably the most annoying person I've ever met in my entire life. She causes unnecessary distractions in the classroom with her moronic comments, tries to butt in to other people's conversations, and I'm quite sure she has never had an intelligent thing to say in her life. I'm not sure I can even begin to describe how much nobody likes her. I think maybe the reason why no one has ever said something to her about the way she looks or acts is that they probably feel sorry for her. It's kind of sad, really, when you think about it, but then I am reminded that it has a child, and it upsets me all over again. Why must people like that breed? It shouldn't be allowed! You should have to pass rigorous mental examinations before a sort of Board of Directors for Breeding.
This actually ties into something that happened in high school. I took part in developing the "Board of Ugly" with my best friend and one of her friends. It wasn't necessarily about physical unattractiveness, but more about "ugly behavior" such as stupidity, ignorance, prejudice, that sort of thing. Anyway, the members of the Board would examine everyone and determine whether or not they were fit for breeding. If you were deemed unfit for breeding, you would be prohibited from doing so. It wouldn't stop people from having sex, they would just have to get "fixed," like we do to our pets. In theory, it's a really good idea. Who knows, maybe in the future someone will pick up on it as a form of population control.
If you can read that title, you are either a stenographer or a bigger nerd than me. (It says Stenotype Institute.) Anyway, this is what I am going to school for. I have had to alter my life-plan several times over the last few years. More about that later.
I feel the need to comment on other students at my school. As it says above (and to the right), my life is like a Seinfeld episode, and that is true in more ways than one, including how my friends and I make up nicknames for just about anyone and everyone. That being said, there is this chick at my school that has a couple of choice nicknames. We refer to her as either "Shorts" or "Ba-donk-a-donk." Now, Shorts is a girl who probably weighs close to 400 pounds. She's either really comfortable with the way she looks, or no one has ever told her that she shouldn't wear micro-mini jean shorts (hence the name). My vote is the latter. She is so disgusting and repulsive, and the part that makes it unbearable is that she has a personality to match. Now, I am not prejudiced, or fat-ist as it were. One of the teachers at the school is also a very large woman, but she always dresses in a manner that is very flattering, conservative, and professional. You can tell she takes the time to make sure that she is presentable, and she is actually quite pretty. On the other hand, Shorts comes to school wearing these jean shorts with about a 1/2" inseam, that proceed to crawl upward throughout the day, creating the largest camel-toe in existence. When she stands up, her legs look like 5-gallon tubs of cottage cheese, and there are usually these big, red pressure blotches on the backs of her legs where they were mashed into the seat. It's one of those things where you can't help but to stare, while at the same time suppressing the urge to void your lunch all over your loafers. As if that wasn't enough, she is also probably the most annoying person I've ever met in my entire life. She causes unnecessary distractions in the classroom with her moronic comments, tries to butt in to other people's conversations, and I'm quite sure she has never had an intelligent thing to say in her life. I'm not sure I can even begin to describe how much nobody likes her. I think maybe the reason why no one has ever said something to her about the way she looks or acts is that they probably feel sorry for her. It's kind of sad, really, when you think about it, but then I am reminded that it has a child, and it upsets me all over again. Why must people like that breed? It shouldn't be allowed! You should have to pass rigorous mental examinations before a sort of Board of Directors for Breeding.
This actually ties into something that happened in high school. I took part in developing the "Board of Ugly" with my best friend and one of her friends. It wasn't necessarily about physical unattractiveness, but more about "ugly behavior" such as stupidity, ignorance, prejudice, that sort of thing. Anyway, the members of the Board would examine everyone and determine whether or not they were fit for breeding. If you were deemed unfit for breeding, you would be prohibited from doing so. It wouldn't stop people from having sex, they would just have to get "fixed," like we do to our pets. In theory, it's a really good idea. Who knows, maybe in the future someone will pick up on it as a form of population control.
20 June 2005
HBM...
...that sounds like an STD, doesn't it? "ooh...stay away from him, he has HBM!"
I feel it my duty to proliferate Happy Boy Mannequin. Why, you ask? I have no idea. It's creepy and looks like the cover to a NAMBLA brochure, but I'm in this whole peer-pressurey, I-want-to-do-it-because-everyone-else-is phase right now, and everyone else is putting HBM on their blogs, so I am too.
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
He really is just so happy! What you don't see is the facial cumshot that he's about to get from Father Aloysius.
"Come here, little Billy, I've got to sprinkle you with 'holy water' from my 'scepter of spiritual love'."
Hey, as long as I keep my peer pressure-related activites limited to blogging, and not, say, drugs or alcohol or serving Jesus-juice to underage children and turning myself into a caricature through plastic surgery bearing a striking resemblance to both Joan Crawford and Peter Pan, I think I'm doing alright.
I totally pirated these pics off of other people's websites...I'll have to figure out how to do this legally...
Useless Fact of the Day:
Hooterville was the town in the Ozarks that was home to the Clampett clan of TV's Beverly Hillbillies, and was also the setting for Petticoat Junction and Green Acres.
I feel it my duty to proliferate Happy Boy Mannequin. Why, you ask? I have no idea. It's creepy and looks like the cover to a NAMBLA brochure, but I'm in this whole peer-pressurey, I-want-to-do-it-because-everyone-else-is phase right now, and everyone else is putting HBM on their blogs, so I am too.
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
He really is just so happy! What you don't see is the facial cumshot that he's about to get from Father Aloysius.
"Come here, little Billy, I've got to sprinkle you with 'holy water' from my 'scepter of spiritual love'."
Hey, as long as I keep my peer pressure-related activites limited to blogging, and not, say, drugs or alcohol or serving Jesus-juice to underage children and turning myself into a caricature through plastic surgery bearing a striking resemblance to both Joan Crawford and Peter Pan, I think I'm doing alright.
I totally pirated these pics off of other people's websites...I'll have to figure out how to do this legally...
Useless Fact of the Day:
Hooterville was the town in the Ozarks that was home to the Clampett clan of TV's Beverly Hillbillies, and was also the setting for Petticoat Junction and Green Acres.
19 June 2005
Weekend Randomness
Mario Cantone has entered my top 5 list of favorite comedians. When I can watch the same stand up show 3 times or more with pain-laughter (i.e. the kind of laughter that actually causes you physical pain) that comedian is automatically A+ in my book.
I will now recreate one of the freakin' hilarious moments from Mario Cantone's Laugh Whore that makes me laugh until I stop. He talks about how he used to host a children's show called
PVC-Pipe Up My Alley, or something like that. (It was actually called Steampipe Alley, that was just me being funny.) (It's even funnier when I have to tell you that I'm funny.) Anyway, he proceeds to explain how he made the children recreate the schoolyard scene from The Birds, wondering out loud why Alfred Hitchcock would do something like that to children, then he says... I'll tell you why... It's because of that song that they sing in the school room with the window open. You know, the one that goes around and around and around...
I went to town to see my wife
nipplety nopplety
clippety clappety
willicky wallicky
now, now now!
*flap flap flap* (birds wings flapping, congregating by the school)
*flap flap flap*
(key change step higher)
I went to town to see my wife
nipplety nopplety
clippety clappety
hobbledoo wobblety
crackety sackety
lickety dickety
now, now now!
*flap flap flap* *flap flap flap*
*flap flap flap*
(key change step higher again)
I went to town to see my wife
crackety sackety
lickety dickety
fuckety suckety
assity wassity
shittity wittity
dumpety wumpety
faggoty waggoty
dykety wykety
lickety fuckety
suckety dickety
assity shittity
dumpety wumpety
fuckety cockety
lickety suckety
dickety assity
suck on my cockity
NOW, NOW NOW!!!
(key change step higher yet again)
I went to town to...SHUT UP!!!
wooo...I was laughing just typing that. I think I peed a little. That's true comedy.
On another note:
I was a little bit disturbed when I discovered which Desperate Housewife I was.
...not that I think it's untrue...
I just had an epiphany when I realized... Hey! I am more like Edie than any of our other favorite Wisteria Lane girls. It saddens me. I don't want to be in the supporting actress category...I'm a star! But there it is in print:
Congratulations! You are Edie Britt, the serial
divorcee whose romantic conquests have everyone
buzzing.
Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I will now recreate one of the freakin' hilarious moments from Mario Cantone's Laugh Whore that makes me laugh until I stop. He talks about how he used to host a children's show called
PVC-Pipe Up My Alley, or something like that. (It was actually called Steampipe Alley, that was just me being funny.) (It's even funnier when I have to tell you that I'm funny.) Anyway, he proceeds to explain how he made the children recreate the schoolyard scene from The Birds, wondering out loud why Alfred Hitchcock would do something like that to children, then he says... I'll tell you why... It's because of that song that they sing in the school room with the window open. You know, the one that goes around and around and around...
I went to town to see my wife
nipplety nopplety
clippety clappety
willicky wallicky
now, now now!
*flap flap flap* (birds wings flapping, congregating by the school)
*flap flap flap*
(key change step higher)
I went to town to see my wife
nipplety nopplety
clippety clappety
hobbledoo wobblety
crackety sackety
lickety dickety
now, now now!
*flap flap flap* *flap flap flap*
*flap flap flap*
(key change step higher again)
I went to town to see my wife
crackety sackety
lickety dickety
fuckety suckety
assity wassity
shittity wittity
dumpety wumpety
faggoty waggoty
dykety wykety
lickety fuckety
suckety dickety
assity shittity
dumpety wumpety
fuckety cockety
lickety suckety
dickety assity
suck on my cockity
NOW, NOW NOW!!!
(key change step higher yet again)
I went to town to...SHUT UP!!!
wooo...I was laughing just typing that. I think I peed a little. That's true comedy.
On another note:
I was a little bit disturbed when I discovered which Desperate Housewife I was.
...not that I think it's untrue...
I just had an epiphany when I realized... Hey! I am more like Edie than any of our other favorite Wisteria Lane girls. It saddens me. I don't want to be in the supporting actress category...I'm a star! But there it is in print:
Congratulations! You are Edie Britt, the serial
divorcee whose romantic conquests have everyone
buzzing.
Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
16 June 2005
Why Should Everything Be Titled? I Can't Take The Pressure...
I'm not sure that I actually have much to say tonight. I am super-ASS tired, and since all I do is type all day long at school, I'm not really in the mood for typing tonight, but for fear of being downgraded into the "Bloggers Who Don't Blog" column, maybe it's time I start doing the surveys:
1) What's the most vicious thing you've ever said to someone?
Holy crap. I'm really good at repressing bad memories. I wasn't always the sweet and innocent Toddington that most of you know. Suffice it to say that I have done and said some pretty awful things in the past, but in the spirit of my current sunny disposition, I'll refrain from reliving those days here.
2) You HAVE to get a tattoo on your face. What will it be?
That's a tough one. I'm a big fan of tattoos that are meaningful, but I couldn't see putting one on my face. I would probably have to go with some sort of tribal design around my eye, not unlike what Mike Tyson has. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I just agreed with even one thing that Mike Tyson has ever done...I need a moment...
Okay. I'm better now:
3) Utopia or Dystopia?
Utopia. No question. I agree with David: I’m a perfectionist at heart.
4) What's your favorite Myth? (Ancient or Modern, your choice)
Favorite Modern Myth: God. It amazes me that a STORY that was written over 2000 years ago in an ancient language that has yet to be correctly translated and updated to coincide with modern times can LITERALLY be taken for gospel by so many people, rather than be seen for what it really is, which is a document created to establish law and order in a once fairly uncivilized environment and to set certain standards for morality and justice and a code of ethics by instilling fear into the hearts of the people with this "higher power" granted the authority to present the people with "eternal damnation" if they break the previously established rules. I think it was a good idea at the time, but haven't we evolved past that yet? But hey, that's just my opinion...wow, that was heavy...moving right along...
5) Rub the lamp, see the genie, get your three wishes. (You can even wish you never got that tattoo, Lord, what were you thinking when you did that.)
This is kind of a cheesy question. Most people would have the same answers: love, money, and happiness. I'll play along though...
1. To be able to fly. I want to go where I want to go on my own terms.
2. To have a "bottomless wallet" that produces money whenever I need or want it.
3. To return the 2000 Election to its rightful winner and send W back to Tex-ass where he belongs.
6) Would you rather see The Future or travel to The Past?
I'd like to travel to the past. I'd like to witness major events that have shaped our world as they are taking place...and fix the ones that are wrong.
7) Order or Chaos?
Order.
8) What's the worst Monster you can think of?
Republicanism.
9) Do you pray?
No. See #4. I do believe in the power of self, meditation, and looking within for the answers.
10) You are given the ability to fold reality in such a way that you can change any one Law of Science, give Darwin a black eye, knock Steven Hawking out of his wheelchair, pinch Newton on the ass - what would you change if you could fold physics and make origami of all the Givens...?
Grant myself the ability to fly, but then I get to get another wish for #5.
11) What's the next book you're going to read?
It depends on when I finish my Christopher Rice book. If I finish it before July 16, then I will read David Sedaris's naked, otherwise it will be Harry Potter #6.
12) What are your last words, Rosebud?
"Hot stuff coming through!"
13) What would you name your children, male or female?
This is really strange, given the events of 2001, but my friends Melinda, Cynthia, Leslie, and my parents can all back up the fact that way back in 1994, I came up with these names for my future children:
Daughters: Eleven, September
Son: Reed Alexander
14) You're not a Werewolf, you're a Were...?
I’m a Weredolphin. That would kick ass.
15) When was the last time you went swimming?
At PJ Finster's house just a couple of weeks ago, right around GayDays, but I don't remember the exact date. I wish I could swim more often (hint, hint *cough* David *cough* pool *cough* backyard *cough, cough*).
1) What's the most vicious thing you've ever said to someone?
Holy crap. I'm really good at repressing bad memories. I wasn't always the sweet and innocent Toddington that most of you know. Suffice it to say that I have done and said some pretty awful things in the past, but in the spirit of my current sunny disposition, I'll refrain from reliving those days here.
2) You HAVE to get a tattoo on your face. What will it be?
That's a tough one. I'm a big fan of tattoos that are meaningful, but I couldn't see putting one on my face. I would probably have to go with some sort of tribal design around my eye, not unlike what Mike Tyson has. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I just agreed with even one thing that Mike Tyson has ever done...I need a moment...
Okay. I'm better now:
3) Utopia or Dystopia?
Utopia. No question. I agree with David: I’m a perfectionist at heart.
4) What's your favorite Myth? (Ancient or Modern, your choice)
Favorite Modern Myth: God. It amazes me that a STORY that was written over 2000 years ago in an ancient language that has yet to be correctly translated and updated to coincide with modern times can LITERALLY be taken for gospel by so many people, rather than be seen for what it really is, which is a document created to establish law and order in a once fairly uncivilized environment and to set certain standards for morality and justice and a code of ethics by instilling fear into the hearts of the people with this "higher power" granted the authority to present the people with "eternal damnation" if they break the previously established rules. I think it was a good idea at the time, but haven't we evolved past that yet? But hey, that's just my opinion...wow, that was heavy...moving right along...
5) Rub the lamp, see the genie, get your three wishes. (You can even wish you never got that tattoo, Lord, what were you thinking when you did that.)
This is kind of a cheesy question. Most people would have the same answers: love, money, and happiness. I'll play along though...
1. To be able to fly. I want to go where I want to go on my own terms.
2. To have a "bottomless wallet" that produces money whenever I need or want it.
3. To return the 2000 Election to its rightful winner and send W back to Tex-ass where he belongs.
6) Would you rather see The Future or travel to The Past?
I'd like to travel to the past. I'd like to witness major events that have shaped our world as they are taking place...and fix the ones that are wrong.
7) Order or Chaos?
Order.
8) What's the worst Monster you can think of?
Republicanism.
9) Do you pray?
No. See #4. I do believe in the power of self, meditation, and looking within for the answers.
10) You are given the ability to fold reality in such a way that you can change any one Law of Science, give Darwin a black eye, knock Steven Hawking out of his wheelchair, pinch Newton on the ass - what would you change if you could fold physics and make origami of all the Givens...?
Grant myself the ability to fly, but then I get to get another wish for #5.
11) What's the next book you're going to read?
It depends on when I finish my Christopher Rice book. If I finish it before July 16, then I will read David Sedaris's naked, otherwise it will be Harry Potter #6.
12) What are your last words, Rosebud?
"Hot stuff coming through!"
13) What would you name your children, male or female?
This is really strange, given the events of 2001, but my friends Melinda, Cynthia, Leslie, and my parents can all back up the fact that way back in 1994, I came up with these names for my future children:
Daughters: Eleven, September
Son: Reed Alexander
14) You're not a Werewolf, you're a Were...?
I’m a Weredolphin. That would kick ass.
15) When was the last time you went swimming?
At PJ Finster's house just a couple of weeks ago, right around GayDays, but I don't remember the exact date. I wish I could swim more often (hint, hint *cough* David *cough* pool *cough* backyard *cough, cough*).
13 June 2005
Don't Look Here...I'm Spent!
I just used up all my funny for the day over on Marcie's blog. I spent most of the day doing a surprise cleaning in the house, and of course I'm not done yet, but I needed a break. It was a daunting task. Since summer doesn't officially start for another week, it can still be called a Spring Cleaning, but what it really is, is an I-never-really-finished-unpacking-when-I-moved-in-almost-2-years-ago-and-then-Steven-moved-in-last-summer-and-the-mess-only-got-bigger-and-now-that-I'm-not-currently-working-it's-about-time-that-I-do-something-about-this-disgusting-mess-plus-I-like-to-occasionally-rearrange-the-furniture-just-to-spice-it-up Cleaning.
I'm such a paradox. If I wasn't so fucking lazy, I would have OCD. I hate messes, but this task was so huge that I also didn't want to even start it unless I could finish it all at once. I probably won't finish it tonight either, so I'll just go to bed upset for not finishing a project, or I'll be irresponsible and stay up all night to finish it.
Hopefully Steven will go to sleep in New York before he reads my blog, because I was hoping this little cleaning project would be a nice surprise for him when he gets home tomorrow. If you're reading this tonight, baby, SURPRISE! I cleaned the shit up. Oh well. See you tomorrow! Ok, lady, I love ya, buh-bye!
I'm such a paradox. If I wasn't so fucking lazy, I would have OCD. I hate messes, but this task was so huge that I also didn't want to even start it unless I could finish it all at once. I probably won't finish it tonight either, so I'll just go to bed upset for not finishing a project, or I'll be irresponsible and stay up all night to finish it.
Hopefully Steven will go to sleep in New York before he reads my blog, because I was hoping this little cleaning project would be a nice surprise for him when he gets home tomorrow. If you're reading this tonight, baby, SURPRISE! I cleaned the shit up. Oh well. See you tomorrow! Ok, lady, I love ya, buh-bye!
10 June 2005
I Hate Orange
...it's a wretched color, isn't it? I don't know why it keeps appearing in my life. Maybe that means something? I felt the need to paint my bedroom orange and yellow when I moved in, and while I am very pleased with the way that it looks, I often find myself wondering what possessed me to do that because those are the two colors in this world that I hate the most. Anyone who knows me well will tell you that the inside of my closet looks like a goth kid and Kermit the frog got thrown in a blender together, and my husbandesque... partner ... significant other... boyfriend... whatever-you-want-to-call-it (heretofore and henceforth to be referred to as Steven) has an affinity for the color blue. It's a mystery. The world may never know, just like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-pop. But hey...check out my counter...it's called "flubber"...I never saw that movie. I remember thinking that it looked dumb in previews, but for some reason I'm thinking that David enjoyed that film, which actually makes me want to see it, because I don't think there are any movies that David likes that aren't good, but this is a really long sentence, so maybe I should see how long I can write without putting a period in. Nah, I'm already tired of that.
Useless fact of the day:
The longest sentence in literature was written by Victor Hugo in Les Miserables. It is 823 words long.
I can't imagine how that could possibly be grammatically correct. I'll have to research that.
Useless fact of the day:
The longest sentence in literature was written by Victor Hugo in Les Miserables. It is 823 words long.
I can't imagine how that could possibly be grammatically correct. I'll have to research that.
08 June 2005
[Insert Witticism Here]
At the moment I don't feel as though I have anything especially earth-shattering to say to the masses who have been waiting with baited breath for my first posting. I was just feeling left out of the loop, and rather than looking over David's shoulder or saying, "What happened here, honey, what's going on, what is this?" I thought it was time for me to join the party. (plus I love doing all those fun little quizzes that have since exited E-mail-land) So here I am, showing up fashionably late as is my sworn duty in life. How you doin'?
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