My World Travels Redux

An upgraded new and improved map of my travels, including a few of the places I would like to go next:

Refrigerator Magnets, and Calgona Take Me Away

I'm taking my refrigerator down from MySpace, so I wanted to post it over here, just in case I decide to use it again later.
In the meantime, feel free to leave me a message on my fridgeadator:


Click Here to get this from pYzam.com!


Also, in the spirit of removing things from my MySpace page, this is my current favorite MadTV sketch, but it wasn't playing right on my page, so now on my blog, presenting Calgona:

The New South Park Kids

Introducing the new kids in South Park and the real-life photos that inspired my creations:

TM, local pop star and travel guru:

Next we have Steven, also known as General Rubbish, after a long night at work:

Then there's David, actor/singer/playwright/film critic/Spanish-speaking drag queen/jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none, and the resident Broadway Queen:

Here's Leslie, another famous singer/actress and bass-chick extraordinaire:

Cynthia plays the tuba in the South Park Symphony Orchestra:

In a town known for the arts, South Park's Alyson is another singer/actress who is actually more famous for her superhuman knitting powers:

And Marcie, famous actress and world-renowned bellydancer who performs under the name Lalita Crispani:

I look like WHAT?!?!

Part 1

One of my myspace friends posted this bulletin:

Google the phrase "(Your name) looks like" and find the best one from the first page of results. Don't forget to put it in quotes, otherwise it won't work. Add yours to the bottom of the list and repost this.

I had some hilarious results, but it might have been a little easier for my name. Basically any trademarked product will say:
(product name)™ looks like...
so when you type "TM looks like" in Google, you get a lot of results. Results like:

TM looks like an ordinary electric light fixture, but... what you see is not all that you get! hmm...

TM looks like a spunky sidekick from a science fiction movie, with fully mobile appendages, motorized wheels beneath its feet, and a mouth that moves. Google seems to know me pretty well!

and my favorite, by far:
TM looks like crystal clear chunks of white Jell-O.

That's fun! Everyone should try it.

Survey No. 18,374,977

1. What is the best way to get over someone?
Start dating again right away.
2. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis?
MAC...just kidding. I'm a boy. I don't wear makeup. Stupid sexist quiz.
3. Whats ur favorite resturant?
Cheesecake Factory
4. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
anything breakfasty...eggs, hashbrowns, english muffins, pancakes, french toast
5. What do you want for christmas?
T-shirt Hell shirts, DVDs, CDs, books, standard stuff
6. Do you listen to music often?
My life is an Original Broadway Cast Recording.
7. Who on your Myspace "top 8" do you talk to the most?
Steven
8. What time is your alarm clock set for?
it isn't
9. Have you ever bid for something on ebay?
lots of stuff...I got my steno machine, and a bunch of movies (random, rare, out-of-print things)
10. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside?
No.
11. Where do you buy your groceries from?
Publix, occasionally Albertsons
12. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Both. I love setting up a shot with the timer and then getting in it.
13. What was the last movie you watched?
I think it was Stranger Than Fiction.
14. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes! How weird is that? I'm old.
15. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy?
Well, the first thing I would do is pay off my debt. The first thing I would buy is a house and a smartcar.
16. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
HA HA! YES!
17. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
Never...9 times out of 10, I view medication as a crutch for weak-minded people who aren't in control of their own minds and bodies.
18. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Mariah Carey, Merry Christmas
19. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
I suppose that I prefer chocolate milk, but that's more of a treat and I drink regular milk like it's going out of style.
20. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
I don't think so.
21. What was the last thing you drank?
I'm drinking milk right now.
22. What did you have for dinner?
Last night I had a wild mushroom crispani from Panera.
23. What is your biggest fear?
No fear.
24. What color is your house?
Some sort of peachy, beigey, non-descript, boring color.
25. Can you whistle?
Yes, but I have noticed that lately my whistling sounds funny and airy. Maybe I wear too much chapstick.
26. What is your favorite Christmas/winter movie?
Frosty the Snowman
27. Do long distance relationships work?
Sometimes
28. Have you ever participated in a protest?
I was almost involved in a strike, but the issues were resolved just in time.
29. Who was the last three people that called you?
Oh? What's that? Did you mean, "Who WERE the last three people to call me?"
Okay. In that case, it was Steven, my brother Tim, and my mother. I think grammatically-challenged people should not be allowed to create quizzes.
30. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
I don't know. Rollercoasters are not that exciting to me anymore. They're kind of boring. But I guess I like Montu at Busch Gardens. It's different and the views are pretty.
31. What is something you must do everyday?
umm...eat? shower? poop? brush my teeth? apply deodorant? my hair?
32. Have you ever stolen something?
Yes. I was, in fact, a child at one point.
33. What area code are you in right now?
321/407. Is there still an "area" with only one area code? ...Savages!
34. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
What do you mean, as a child? I still do!
35. How big is your local mall?
Well, the average-sized Fashion Square Mall is about 500 yards from my house, but within a 20-minute drive is the largest mall in the Southeastern United States.
36. What is your job title?
Lazy Bastard
37. What do you miss most?
My innocence.
38. Would you ever sky dive?
Totally!
39. What are you allergic to?
Nothing.
40. What is your biggest regret?
I like to say that I have no regrets, but lately I have come to realize that I regret not being more confident when I was younger.
41. Have you ever had Jamba Juice?
Yes
42. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
When WASN'T the last time I laughed so hard my sides hurt?

- Why is it that NOBODY can count? I would like to see a survey or a quiz that actually has all of its questions numbered consecutively. Missing no.43.

44. Do you own any band t-shirts?
That depends...is Mariah Carey considered "a band"?
45. What is your favorite candle scent?
My nose doesn't work very well, so basically anything strong. I like seasonal scents. Anything piney, wintery, or cinnamony for the christmas season.
46. How many aunts and uncles do you have?
3 uncles, 3 aunts. Oddly enough, the baby-boomer generation in my immediate family is the smallest. Therefore, I only have 4 first cousins while my mom has exactly 40 and my dad has 20-something, which means that I have well over 100 second cousins. Needless to say, we haven't had a family reunion in about 25 years. We don't all fit anywhere.
47. When was your last plane ride?
20 November, on the way back from Puerto Rico.
48. Do you crack your knuckles?
I can, and do, literally crack every single joint in my entire body, and I'm the world-champion thumb-popper.
49. How many chairs are at your dining room table?
4, but there were 9 on Thanksgiving.
50. Do you read for fun?
Just about every day.

How Well Do You Know Me?

So, this quiz is fairly easy if you know me in any capacity, but try it, it's fun!

Create your own friendquiz here

The Encrazening

I know that it's not a full moon now, but I started thinking about this as I was watching my kitties have their midnight-crazies.

The full moon makes people crazy.
That is an indisputable fact.
Some people may think that's an old wives' tale, but I know better.
Just go for a leisurely drive on the Interstate during a full moon.
If you don't notice that people have flipped a few extra crazy-switches, then you, in fact, are one of those crazy bastards.
I'm here to help bring awareness to this issue.
I firmly believe that if people would follow and understand the cycle of the moon, it would greatly diminish the effects of the full-moon crazies.
I have little else to say on this topic, except that I'm tired of the already bad driving on the roads just to have it compounded exponentially every 28 days when the moon is full.
People suck.
So, put this moon-phase clock on your computer:

CURRENT MOON

about the moon

...and do me a favor:
When the moon is full, get your crazies under control or stay off the road.
Thanks.

10 Names

Thanks to David for this fun name game, but some of these REALLY don't work...
...like an Amish kid doing Mad-Libs...

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current street name)
Topper Ibis
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fav icecream flavor,favorite cookie)
Mint Chocolate Chip Pepperidge Farm??? (ooh...feel the ghetto!)
3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
T-Hay
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Green Dolphin (Dolph Green maybe, but not Green Dolphin)
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Blank Vernon (...or if the Catholics had their way, it would be Robert Vernon)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
Hay To-Sch
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink put "The")
The Black Milk (that's just gross)
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Leo Thomas
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne)
Le Male
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (father & mother's middle name)
Arthur Blank (maybe I'm related to Jerri...)

Weird Habits

Thanks, Marcie, for giving me my first ever blog-tag.
I don't really have that many "habits," but some of the ones that I do have are really odd.
I saved the best ones for last.

6 Weird Habits

1. I will not leave the house without wearing something green, whether it's visible or not. That just means that if you can't physically see any green on me, I'm wearing green underwear.

2. Whenever I read one book by an author, I have to read everything they ever wrote, even if I know that it sucks. For example, I have read everything by Stephen King. Literally. Everything. Even his nonfiction. I love his horror, but his book "On Writing" was the driest, most boring thing I had ever read in my entire life. It took me forever. I also read everything by Anne Rice. Even her erotica. The fact that she could even THINK of some of the things that happen in those books terrify me in a way I could barely describe.

3. Most visibly, I can never go more than a month or two with the same outward physical appearance. I have had more different hairstyle and color combinations in the last 8 years than Madonna has had in 20. I actually blame Disney for that. If you don't already know the story, just ask. I'd be happy to share.

4. At restaurants, or even at home, I absolutely CANNOT use the silverware if it touches the table at any point within my line of sight. It doesn't matter how clean the table is, or even if I cleaned it myself.

5. In the same theme, I CANNOT use glasses or dishes if there is any kind of spot or stain on it, even if it just came out of the dishwasher and only has a waterspot on it. Whenever I lived somewhere that did not have a dishwasher, I refused to use real dishes and would only use disposable items.

6. I have a mandatory formula or pattern for cookie-eating that corresponds directly to the layout of the cookie packaging. My favorite example is Oreos. Standard Oreo packaging is the 20-ounce package, which consists of 17 cookies in each of 3 columns in a tray. The cookies MUST be eaten in multiples of three so as to leave an even row across the top. If, by some act of great defiance to the better will of the Universe, the cookies are not eaten in a multiple of three; the pattern left in the tray MUST be symmetrical.

Wow. I'm a freak.
So, I'm not going to tag anybody, but I would love to hear from everyone else and see what their freakish things are.

And By The Way...

Only a few shopping days left!


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Mo Collins

Probably THE single greatest thing about MadTV was Mo Collins. She's brilliant. She has the uncanny ability to take a quirky character to such an absurd extreme that she often leaves me rolling on the floor in laughter. Thanks to YouTube, here is my tribute to La-Collins:

Stuart Bloopers:


As Jenny Jones:
(this one is kind of long, so if you want to skip to the best part, it starts right around 3:45)


(the baby kills me in this one...too funny!)

Milestone 100

So, it only took almost a year and a half, but this is my 100th post!

Wheeeeeeeeee!

And, true, I haven't had even one single comment in 4 months, which means that nobody reads this anymore. But that's okay, because I do this mostly for myself anyway. Sure, I like to entertain others, and it is a little disheartening to know that a severe bout of laziness has caused me to lose my previous readership, but I had just gotten to a point where it felt like more of a chore to create a post every day. Plus, everyone else in my little blog-circle either stopped blogging altogether, or they switched their blogs over to MySpace.

Earlier this year, I broke down. I caved in to the peer pressure. I jumped on the bandwagon and joined MySpace as well. I have, however, vowed to keep my blog here at Blogger. So, to compromise, every time I create a post here, I link to it on my MySpace blog. It seems that that move not only caused me to lose my readers here, but also out of the 64 people on my friends list on MySpace I only have 3 people subscribed to my blog there. (Love ya David, Marcie, and random guy I don't know!)

Anyway, a few noteworthy things happened today that I would like to either remember for the future, or just to make fun of generally.

First, this morning, I was watching The View, as every good little gay should do, now that Rosie is back on TV. She has brought such a new life to the show that now it's actually watchable. So, for anyone who may not know, The View's magic formula is 4 women co-hosting. The three regular co-hosts are Rosie O'Donnell, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, and Joy Behar. Barbara Walters only shows up every now and then, basically whenever she wants to, so when she's not there, they get some random celebrity to fill in as the 4th host. All this to say that today they must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel, because Tara Reid was the celebrity guest host. WTF? They could not possibly have thought that she would have anything interesting or intelligent to say. While Rosie and Joy were comparing notes on hosting charity events the previous evening (each one raking in over $2 million for their respective charities), Tara interjects with something along the lines of, "I attended a charity event last night. For AIDS research. It was called Hope for a Cause." She called it Hope for a Cause at least twice before Rosie corrected her. It's called Hope for a CURE, you stupid little retard. (No, Rosie didn't say that; that was my own editorial, and slightly borrowed from Drop Dead Gorgeous...)

Moving right along...

Back in January, Steven and I went to Sydney. In our travels, we came across this trash can in a mall:

so I said, "That's you! You're General Rubbish!"
We had a good laugh with that. Marcie decided that she really liked that nickname for Steven too, so I thought it might be fun for everyone to have a "General" nickname.
Kevin is General Mayhem.
I can't remember what name we came up with for Marcie, so I'll have to update that later.
I'm General Hospital.
I came up with General Malaise for David, but I don't think he likes that one.
Anyway, all the cool kids are going to be Generals, so I've got a few more names to come up with.

***UPDATE: Marcie is General Consternation. I can't believe I forgot that. It's funny!!!

Finally, I learned something new today! I feel the need to write it down, because I may forget later, or tomorrow. Who says fiction can't be educational? That's what I want to know! I finished reading Digital Fortress by Dan Brown today. In case you haven't read anything of his, he's the author of 4 books including The Da Vinci Code. I've read all 4 books, although I read them in reverse order chronologically. Digital Fortress was his first book. His books are pretty formulaic, so if you're looking for variety, this may not be the author to turn to. But, in my humble opinion, Dan Brown really is a fantastic author. Formula or no, he knows how to grab your attention right away. His books are all extremely fast-paced, action-packed, and exciting the whole way through. I'm looking forward to a new release.

Anyway, on to the education. A character in Digital Fortress is a linguist and a Spanish professor. I consider myself fairly fluent in Spanish, but I had never made this connection before. He tells his girlfriend about how the word "sincerely" comes from the Spanish words "sin cera" which means "without wax." It refers to sculpture; where a flawed, chipped, or cracked stone would be filled in with wax to make it whole. So if a piece was "sin cera," or without wax, that meant it was unflawed. It later came to mean "true" or "honest," thus the English word "sincere" was born.

I was thinking about it a lot today, and I decided that "Without Wax" would be a great album title. So maybe some day if I can wrangle myself a record deal, I already have the title to an album!

Thursday? Quizday!

Yet another quiz...it was e-mailed to my by my friend Jenny from the Block.

1. FIRST NAME? Todd-Michael
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no, ma'am
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I couldn't tell you, maybe 15 years ago? (I'm dead on the inside!)
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yup, bubbly and girly and pretty!
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? eww! No meat!
6. KIDS? nope, just 2 cats! :-)
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Totally! I'm awesome and funny!
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? sort of...this blog! Sure, I just do quizzes now, but I'll eventually have important things to say and/or write about...
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Nooooo...not at all!
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes, ma'am.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Would I? (that means yes)
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Raisin Bran
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? usually not
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yeah, I'm a big, burly, macho man!
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Mint Chocolate Chip
16. SHOE SIZE? 13 or 14, depending on the shoe
17. RED OR PINK? If I have to choose between the two, red.
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my missing boob
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? umm...probably my friend Nick in Miami, or Fort Lauderdale, or wherever the hell he lives now... ;-)
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? YES!
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING? blue jeans, no shoes
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? Vegetarian Sushi and Soy Crisps
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? South Park
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? olive green
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? Jean Paul Gaultier "Le Male" cologne
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO? My roommate, David
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? smile/teeth
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Totally! My favorite dirty-birdy, lesbianic straight girl!
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Milk
30. FAVORITE SPORT? Figure Skating, Gymnastics, Swimming, and Diving
31. WHAT HAPPENED AT 31? umm...I haven't gotten there yet! (2 years to go!)
32. EYE COLOR? Green
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes, ma'am
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Scary Movies!!!
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants! So sweet and cute, if I had emotions I would have cried!
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? plain black
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer!!!
39. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs AND kisses!
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? anything chocolatey
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? maybe Nick?
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? probably Stephen...(To Jen: bitch, I repsonded to you!!! mm-hmm! Yes I did!)
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? just finished Digital Fortress by Dan Brown, about to start on Eragon by Christopher Paolini.
44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Lost, Biggest Loser, among others
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? laughter, music, whistle tones
47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? umm...if I have to pick, I guess the Beatles.
48. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Sydney, Australia (the LONG way via NYC, London, and Hong Kong)
49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? umm...I guess. I've been a musician my whole life. I can juggle. I have an uncanny ability to learn foreign languages.
50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? 18 November, 1977 - Rockville Hospital in Vernon-Rockville, CT 06066

Quizzo Says What?

More quizzes!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

So, we all know how much I love to relive old high school memories (can you feel the sarcasm oozing out of the screen?), but I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today, so here's a good one:

Senior Year Memories
• Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.

1. Who was your best friend?
As I've mentioned previously, I've never really had a "best" friend, but my closest friends actually in the school were Curtis Thompson, Melinda Melendez, and Shawn Baker.
2. What sports did u play?
In school, none, but outside of school I was a figure skater and I ran track.
3. What kind of car did you drive?
I didn't get my license until 3 weeks before graduation, but I had a 1984 Pontiac Sunbird.
4. It's Friday night, where were you?
At the football game, or a marching band competition, or at home.
5. Were you a party animal?
Ha ha! No.
6. Were you considered a flirt?
Not then. (I guess some things change.)
7. Ever skip school?
No, only on Senior Skip Day.
8. Were you a nerd?
TOTALLY!!! (I guess some things DON'T change!)
9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
Never.
10. Can you sing the fight song?
Ha ha! My high school had the dumbest fight song ever written:
(set to the tune of "When The Saints Go Marching In")
Oh, when the Rams, Go marching in,
Oh, when the Rams go marching in,
La, la-la, la-la, la, la-la
When the Rams go marching in.
11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Darcy Davis.
12. Favorite class?
Band and/or Spanish
13. What was your school's full name?
Rockville High School
14. School mascot?
The Rams
15. Did you go to Prom?
Nope. I sure didn't.
16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
I would go back and do things VERY differently.
17. What do you remember most about graduation?
I had to perform at all 4 graduations, so I really don't remember my own.
18. Where were you on senior skip day?
My school had an organized "Senior Skip Day," due to a death on skip day the year that my brother Tim graduated. The school organized a trip for the seniors every year to a resort somewhere else in the state, but I skipped THAT and went to the beach with Melinda, where I proceeded to get one of the worst cases of sun-poisoning I've ever seen.
19. Did you have a job your senior year?
Yes, I worked at the Christmas Tree Shoppes.
20. Where did you go most often for lunch?
We were strictly prohibited from leaving school grounds during the day, but I hated eating in the cafeteria, so I usually spent lunch in the band room hanging out with the student teacher from UCONN.
21. Have you gained weight since then?
Wow. Have I ever. I didn't hit bottom with the anorexia until I was in college, but my senior year I probably only weighed about 150. So, I'm still about 80 pounds heavier than that right now.
22. What did you do after graduation?
Directly after graduation, my high school did Project Graduation, where we went to a health club and spent the whole night in the club, dancing, gambling, swimming, socializing, and playing games. Then I worked over the summer, and went directly to college. Too YOUNG!
23. When did you graduate?
1995
24. Who was your Senior homecoming date?
I don't think I went to Homecoming.
25. Are you going to your ten year reunion?
It was last year, and I did not go, although I really wanted to. I will make it to the 15 year reunion...
26. Who was your home room teacher?
I got as far as "Mr..." then I had to go back to the yearbook and look it up! Mr. Rock. You'd think I could remember a simple noun! My memory is fading. Especially since I had him all 4 years for homeroom, and for sociology my senior year.
27. Who will repost this after you?
Probably no one, since nobody reads my blog anymore.
28. Who was President of your class?
I think it was Jaime Desmond, or Nadine Cormier. One of those two.

After a month...

I continue to work out about 5-6 days a week, and I'm not noticing results as quickly as I did when I was rollerblading 5 days a week. The argument, I suppose, could be that I'm doing this in a healthy way and results take time. But when I was skating, I lost 20 pounds in a month, and now I've only lost 8 pounds in a month through exercise and healthier eating.

My standard gym routine is as follows:
Every day:
30-40 minutes on the elliptical machine
calf raises; 1 set of 20, both legs together; 2 sets of 12, alternating legs
abs; 3 sets of 12 on the weighted crunch machine
side bends; weighted, 4 sets of 12, alternating sides
swim; 18 laps, alternating freestyle, breaststroke, and backstroke

Then on alternating days I work out arms and legs one day, chest and back the next.

I took my measurements this morning, and while I have been decreasing in size around the waist and hips, I seem to have gotten bigger in the upper body, which I'm not really looking to do. I suppose it's time to visit with the trainer again and see if he can put me on a routine that will do more to lean me out instead of bulking me up.

Current measurements:
Weight: 228lb. (103kg)
Chest: 47" (119cm) +.5"
Shoulders: 53.5" (136cm) +1"
Waist: 38" (97cm) -1.5"
Hips: 44" (112cm) -1"
Thigh: 27" (69cm) -.5"
Calf: 16.5" (42cm) same
Bicep: 16" (40.5cm) same

Weekly weight loss: -2 pounds
Total weight loss: -8 pounds

Week 3 Update

Unfortunately, there has been little change between this week and last week.
I missed 3 days in a row at the gym, and it shows.
I have, however, noticed a little bit of body-shrinkage.
In the last few days, I've been noticing that my larger shirts are not quite as tight as they should be, so I'm going to have to switch back to my smaller shirts soon.

Current Weight: 230
Weekly weight loss: 0
Total weight loss: -6 pounds

In other news:


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Best Commercial Ever

This is by far my favorite, and in my humble opinion, one of the funniest commercials SNL ever made:

Week 2

Quick update:

Workouts and healthier eating are still progressing.
I actually find myself occasionally turning down desserts, and not just eating chocolate because someone (read: myself) put it in front of my face, so that's a good thing.
I missed a couple of days in the gym, though, so I'm not shrinking as quickly I was planning, but as long as it happens, I guess it's okay that it may take a little longer...

Current weight: 230 pounds
Weekly weight loss: -2 pounds
Total weight loss: -6 pounds

Funny as Hell

I borrowed this image from T-shirt Hell
Go there for the funniest, dirtiest, and raunchiest t-shirts you could ever buy!


Oh, and by the way, do not taunt Happy Fun Ball!

1 Week Down, Too Many To Go

The workouts have been going along swimmingly.
I seem to have retained the ability to drop weight pretty quickly, so maybe my metabolism isn't as screwed up from anorexia as I thought. Maybe I'm just getting old.
I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job with eating healthier, too. Of course, I haven't been going to the movies and splurging on movie popcorn and cherry coke as often as I used to either, and that's only been because Steven and I haven't been able to coordinate our schedules.
Anyway, the important thing is to stay in the gym and keep working out, and then I shouldn't have to worry too much about changing my eating habits. Ease up on the junk food, that's all.
I've decided that I'm going to weigh in once a week, and check up on all the other stats once a month. I need to purchase a reliable scale, because right now I'm just taking the average of several measurements on different scales.
Current weight: 232
Weekly weight change: -4 pounds
Total weight change: -4 pounds

A New Day

And no, I'm not Celine Dion.
I finally gained some motivation.
I know that nobody reads this blog, and of course, by "nobody" I mean the 4 people who check in only very occasionally to see if I might have updated my sporadic randomness.
So that being said, I have decided to change the focus of my blog to concentrate on documenting my new motivation: my fitness.
Ever since I met Steven, I put on nearly 50 pounds, took about 20 off, and put another 10 back on. I have touched on my struggles with anorexia in the past, and while I have learned to deal with my problems with food, I have such a negative self-image that it has been affecting every other aspect of my life. I realize that most people wouldn't look at me and say, "Wow. You're fat." I'm tall, and I've always been athletic and muscular, so I can carry extra weight pretty well. It's not even so much the number of my weight that bothers me, it's the fact that with the exception of a few shirts, I have had to completely replace my wardrobe in the last 2 years. I'm tired of being embarrassed about myself. I'm tired of not being as flexible or athletic as I have always been. I'm tired of not feeling attractive, because no matter what you look like, you should be able to find your own beauty and be happy about it. I'm always happy on the outside, so that this is probably news to some people, because I don't believe in burdening other people with my issues.
Anyway, it's time for a change.
I got a membership at Bally Total Fitness, and earlier this past weekend I went through the battery of body composition testing and measuring to determine my starting point and help to focus my goals. I had my resting metabolism rate (RMR) tested, I had my body fat percentage measured, I was weighed, and I had the old tape measure whipped out. The RMR determines how many calories your body will burn in a day at rest with absolutely no activity, which helps to design a diet. My RMR was 2000, which I guess is pretty good for my age and weight, considering how much I screwed up my body with the anorexia all those years ago. So that means, with a vigorous workout schedule and a diet around 1800-2000 calories, I should be able to drop a bunch of weight very quickly. Therein lies the experiment: How quickly can I get back into my size-32 pants? And how quickly can I get my 6-pack back? I will be documenting my progress in this blog. To begin:
Age: 28
Height: 6' 1.5" (187cm)
Starting Weight: 236lb. (107kg)
RMR: 2000
Body Fat: 23.5%
Chest: 46.5" (118cm)
Shoulders: 52.5" (133cm)
Waist: 39.5" (100cm)
Hips: 45" (114cm)
Thigh: 27.5" (70cm)
Calf: 16.5" (42cm)
Bicep: 16" (40.5cm)
Those measurements actually aren't all that bad (and I'm trying to learn metric, so that's what's with all the conversions.) If I could keep all the other numbers the same, but just get the waist back down to 32, I'd be pretty happy. Well, maybe the hips at about 40 (you know I gotta keep my ba-donk-a-donk!!!), and the thigh around 24. I have these hot little board shorts that I kept from a couple of years ago, and I will be ecstatic when I can fit into them again. I'm not sure I feel bold enough to post some before pictures, but it would be really good documentation of my progress, so I'll think about it.
Now, I'm off to the gym!

Quizzilicious!!!

I love this quiz for its randomness!

So, here are some fun questions that I mostly haven't answered yet:
(They mostly come at night...mostly.)

1. What are your siblings' middle names?
_____(blank: my sister doesn't have a middle name, just like me), Arthur, and Patrick.
2. Where is your dad right now?
sleeping, because he has to be at work at 3 a.m., specifically: Vernon, Connecticut.
3. What was the last thing you said?
I am SO glad that Janelle won the Power of Veto. (...and since I'm home alone, I guess I said that to the kitties, but I did actually say it out loud.)
4. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
I can ride a scooter without falling off. (When I was a kid I tried to ride my uncle's moped, and every time I got to the end of the street and tried to turn around, I fell off.)
5. What color is your watch?
green face, silver band
6. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
my future home
7. When was the last time you squatted to pee?
umm...probably when I was 3 getting potty-trained.
8. Who is the last person you walked with?
If we're talking about walking for exercise's sake, that would be David.
9. Are you close to your mom?
Yes, ma'am.
10. Where does your best friend work?
I guess I don't really have a best friend; so, that would be nowhere.
11. What is your least attractive feature?
A birth defect caused me to only have one pectoral muscle; so, my chest.
12. How old were you when you started wearing a bra?
Are you calling me fat? I got rid of my moobies when I was like 15.
13. Would you rather own a motorcycle or scooter?
I drive a scooter as my primary mode of transportation.
14. Do you have a roommate?
Yup.
15. What color is your bedroom flooring?
Underneath all the clothes and travel memorabilia, I think it's a beigey-tannish color.
16. Do you have a chair in your room?
Ha ha. No. No room.
17. What time of day were you born?
6:26 a.m., at the crack of dawn, or at the crack of Dotti, as it were.
18. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
I don't think so.
19. What's your favorite number(s)?
18
20. Do you know anyone named Laurie?
I actually do! Same spelling and everything. A girl I knew when I went to FSU. She was in the School of Music with me, she married one of my fraternity brothers, and I actually lived with them for a short time before they moved to Philly.
21. What color is your mom's hair?
Whatever color she's been dyeing it lately. Probably reddish-brown. Like mother, like son!
22. Do you have a dog?
Not at the moment. 2 sweet and adorable kitties.
23. Where did you live in 1987?
Vernon, Connecticut. My parents have been living in the same house for 40 years.
24. What happened to you in 1993?
Most significantly, probably performing in the All-New England Music Festival for the first time. It's a prestigious music festival for über-talented, high school student musicians from 6 states to perform in a wind symphony. I had only been playing the tuba for 7 months when I auditioned, and was accepted in. The Blizzard of '93 began on the day of our last concert (in March, by the way) and they cancelled a performance for the first time in the 60+ year history of the festival. Then my dad drove the two other representatives from my hometown home with us through over a foot of snow on the Interstate. Good times.
25. Does your first memory involve your dad?
No. My first memory is of me sitting on the floor in the living room in a diaper reading a Dr. Seuss book to my mom. I was 2.
26. Do you remember singing any songs as kids?
Totally. I used to make tapes with my friends. We would sing and do fake news reports.
27. When was the last time you went swimming?
Two weeks ago. Visiting my brother in Virginia.
28. Has your luggage ever gotten lost?
No.
29. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Earlier tonight. My brother Tim.
30. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
I went to Camp Newhoca for a couple of summers, then Camp Woodstock for a couple of summers.
31. Do you play an instrument?
Tuba, Soprano/Alto/Tenor/Bari Saxophone, Trumpet, a little Trombone, a little Piano, a little bit of most any wind instrument.
32. Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar?
No.
33. Do you like fire?
Sure.
34. Where is your best friend from?
See above. I guess I don't have a best friend.
35. Are you allergic to anything?
TM stock answer: Republicans, and other stupid people.
36. When was the last time you cried?
I don't cry. I'm dead on the inside.
37. What kind of shampoo do you use?
urge? ...Urge?!?! (In case you don't remember the commercial: Clairol Herbal Essences)
38. Have you ever been to a spa?
Yup. mmm...spa.
39. Were you popular?
NO!!! (everyone knew me, but no one liked me, so I guess I was popularly unpopular...)
40. Did you take science all four years of high school?
Yup. I'm a nerd.
41. Do you like butterflies?
umm...I don't dislike them, because I love all creatures, but butterflies are boring.
42. What is the last book you read?
I'm on Book 7 of the Chronicles of Narnia, so technically: Book 6, The Silver Chair; or if you count the Chronicles as "1 book," then it was the DaVinci Code.
43. Do you like Coke or Pepsi more?
I prefer the cherry version of either.
44. What is one thing you miss about your past?
Nothing.
45. Did you ever see the school nurse?
Never. I don't ever get sick.
46. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
No. I hate other people's children.
47. What is one thing you've learned about your life recently?
umm...redundant redundancy...This is the same question as #4.
48. Are you jealous of anyone?
No.
49. Is anyone jealous of you?
I couldn't imagine why anyone would be.
50. When was the last time you were in an elevator?
Sometime in June when I stayed at one of Steven's layover hotels with him.

Four Things Quiz

Just posted this on my MySpace:

You probably ALREADY know this stuff about me...
Well, I've done so many quizzes that everyone I know probably already knows all this junk, but just in case:
Things you didn't know about me. For instance, did you know...

Four jobs I've have had in my life:
1. Tasty Chick - Fried chicken restaurant - I worked in the kitchen, made mashed potatoes, broke chicken wings, and washed dishes.
2. Legislative Assistant/Receptionist - The Florida Association of Realtors - It sounds big and fancy but mostly I answered phones, typed dictation, and filed lots of boring papers. My first job after leaving school.
3. Flight Attendant - American Airlines - Such a glamorous lifestyle! There's nothing like commuting 1500 miles each way to work and sleeping on recliners.
4. Character Entertainment - Walt Disney World - I was "friends" with Goofy, Tigger, Baloo, Launchpad McQuack, the Sheriff of Nottingham, and various others.

Four movies I would watch over and over: (and have!!...and still do!!!)
1. Girls Just Want to Have Fun
2. Medusa: Dare to Be Truthful
3. Camp
4. Teen Witch

Four places I have lived:
1. Vernon, CT
2. Tallahassee, FL
3. Dallas, TX (really Irving and Euless and Arlington)
4. Orlando, FL

Four TV shows I love to watch: (I would die without TiVo)
1. All Reality Shows (Survivor, Amazing Race, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, Treasure Hunters, Big Brother)
2. Awesome Animated Shows (Simpsons, Family Guy, Drawn Together, American Dad, South Park)
3. Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
4. Days of Our Lives (guilty pleasure)

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Sydney, Australia
2. Panama City, Panama (the country, not the city in Florida)
3. London, England
4. Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Anything Chocolate
2. Veggie Grinders from Subway
3. Egg Salad
4. Fried Mac & Cheese from Cheesecake Factory

Four things I would rather be doing right now:
1. laying on the beach
2. traveling
3. singing
4. swimming

Four things I always carry with me: (I interpret this as things I carry when I travel...)
1. iPod
2. a book
3. Portable DVD Player (or laptop...depending on length of trip)
4. camera

You are tagged. So here it goes... Copy and paste. Delete my answers, replace with your own and post. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Dirty Love? ...Dirty FUN!!!

Dirty Love written by and starring Jenny McCarthy is freakin' hilarious!
Run, don't walk, to the video store and rent it,
...or run, don't walk, to my house and watch it with me, since halfway through watching it for the first time, I went and bought it.

Reminiscent of The Sweetest Thing, it is chock-full of raunchy humor and female physical comedy, which somehow translates funnier than boring old men doing it.

I ultra-love it! And since I only just generally-love every other movie, that means it's super-radical!

I should be a movie reviewer for Teen People, or Tiger Beat.

That's all I have to say. I have to go back to yucky work now.

Tourgasm Funny

My new favorite word is "swunt."
Robert Kelly (on Dane Cook's Tourgasm) had just finished playing a game of "Dance Dance Revolution" with some college-student freak. He said it gave him sweaty-ass, or "swass." Then he said that sweaty-balls would be called "swalls," and that women get "swunt."

I laughed until I nearly peed. Just the sound of the word "swunt" is enough to get me going again.

Sweaty + cunt = swunt...
...or, Whitney Houston.

Quick, Someone Write This Down!!!

I have this awesome idea for a movie.
So, everyone loves quirky pirates, right?
Of course they do!
My movie involves a band of health-conscious vegan pirates who travel around the world spreading their message of vegetarianism to cannibals and other carnivorous heathens.

It would be called, naturally:

"The Pirates of the Carob Bean"

That sounds fun, doesn't it?

Kelly Ripa is Hilarious

This is easily one of my favorite SNL commercials ever to air:

Perennial Resurrection

...or, Let Me Ax You a Question...

So I'm making yet another attempt at reviving a dead horse. Or am I beating a dead horse? And why does the horse have to be dead? I still have a lot to say, it's just that most of the time I don't feel like actually sitting here and writing it all down.

So here's the thing. As many people will tell you, I may look like a white boy on the outside, but on the inside I'm all Patti LaBelle. That being said, I'm not current on my Ebonics. Now here's where the mini-stream of consciousness comes in:

I'm sitting in my vehicle listening to BKLYN the musical. There's a character named "Paradice" (that's P-a-arra-a, d-i-C-e, because I was born with nothin' but a pair o' dice around my neck), who sings a song called "Super Lover."
A couple of lines from the song go:
And some say this girl ain't up to the task.
Why don't you do yourself a favor and ask the Lone Ranger while I sit on his mask.
(I know, it's stupid, especially out of context...)
Anyway, Paradice is basically the female-Broadway-character version of Shirley Q. Liquor. So then I began to think, "How would Shirley Q. Liquor say that?" or, "WWSQLD?"
She would say:
And some say this girl ain't up to the taks.
Why don't you do yourself a favor and aks the Lone Ranger while I sit on his maks.
Aside from finding that terribly hilarious, I began to wonder why don't people talk like that?
Whether you're just ignant or you have a speech impediment, if you say ax instead of ask, or excape instead of escape, why wouldn't you say tax or max or bax or flax instead of task or mask or bask or flask. Or is it just that people who say ax would never use words like task or bask or flask? Inquiring minds want to know...

On another note: Has everyone seen the commercial for that product called "Head On"? This commercial makes me angry in ways I can't even describe. It cost exactly $1.95 to make. All it is, is a woman standing in front of a green grid background holding a stick on her forehead. The dialogue of the commercial goes like this:
HEAD ON! Apply directly to the forehead!HEAD ON!Apply-directly-to-the-forehead!HEADON!Applydirectlytotheforehead!

Yes, that's correct. Just 7 words repeated quickly three times in an obvious and completely unedited loop. Aside from the wretched quality of the audio, there is absolutely no indication as to what the product is for or what it does. Just get this stick, and apply it directly to the forehead! Duh! Everyone is doing it! Forehead Stick! Get it!
I suppose one could assume that Forehead Stick is in some way supposed to alleviate headaches. But, if the quality of the commercial indicates the quality of the product, I think that I would rather stab my own brain through my nose with a knitting needle than to try that crap.

Kamikaze Subject Change:
Come watch me sing at the Orlando Gay Chorus concert this weekend!
For details and info check the website at Orlando Gay Chorus
or contact me.